so....how do you approach a LD spouse who had PA and has returned? Is it wrong for the HD spouse to be pissed that LD spouse went "elsewhere" but wouldn't have sex with HD partner?!?!
or maybe i am just venting.....
Venting is fine.
You may want to ask yourself a few questions because whether you want to admit it or not, you do have a shared role in your relationship with your wife.
(1) What was it that you were not giving her that the Affair gave her? (the Five Lanauages of Love might help you better understand what it was that your wife needed to feel loved) You might also ask he what was it that she felt she needed that she felt she could not ask from you, so that you have a chance of providing it to her.
(2) Why did she come back? What motivated her to return to you?
(3) Why did you allow her to return? What is it that you are hoping for or what is it that you missed or what is it that you are trying to avoid? You really need to answer this one for your own peace of mind.
(4) What is it that the two of you should do differently, now that you each know the consequences of behaving as you did previously, which you both have decided was not a good situation? Should you be doing some things for her so that she will not look elsewhere for affection? Should she be doing some things differently for/to you to build your trust in her? Should she be doing some things differently for/to you so you will want to do things to please her? Those are all the kinds of things that the two of you should discuss, probably with the help of a marriage conselor.
An affair, either physical or emotional is a betrayal of trust, sometimes a cry for help, sometimes a sign of self-destructive behavior, sometimes a mistake that allows a couple to realize that what they have is special and that it needs to be protected and nutured.
I would really suggest marriage conseling with a skilled person. I would be so anrgy if my wife had an affair regardless if she was HD or LD.
Good luck to you and your wife.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
