Alice, I have stated the boundaries endless times. H laughs them off, "forgets", blames me back ( I "made him" or I "do it too") and I"m tired of the disrespect. YOu see? I can try to figure out my fears and post them here - good idea, let me think on it. HOwever, I believe he will only respect legal force, but I"m hoping it won't come to that. I have no consequences that he cares about any more. He treats me how he wants to treat me and then defends his own behavior and repeats it. I'm on a verbal abuse support board too and this is standard, typical behavior. No matter what you do, they are nasty - if you god dark they could use that as an excuse, if you engage they can use that as an excuse. At this point my darkness is purely to protect myself from emotional harm. It is S's emotional safety I'm worried about at this time.
FM, that is exactly what I have been doing and H is still hostile. He can't discuss coparenting when I am the only one with a problem and he's pushing through bully tactics and legal threats to have his way or the high way. We have been in MC as basically a mediator since Dec and H has promptly forgotten every bit of advice give, including things that make S's life more calm, peaceful and happy. I have gone that route and if he is determined to fight instead of listen and comprimise and communicate on basic civil terms about our son I'm wasting time and money and will only chose a lawyer. I just hate it.
Things are much worse for S than before H left and I am working internally on my resentment of this - how it will definitely affect my son's personality development for the rest of his life (yes, I'm a developmental psychologist and have strong opinions on this.
