I gave up...filed for D

[luvless]

Hey Gardener,

Yeah she needs to see someone soon. I don't know if that person I used to call my husband would agree to go.

I'm having one of those fun dips on the rollercoaster. It's gone way down. I feel so defeated right now I just don't know. My kids came home from dinner last night with their dad and told me, "mom..dad was talking to his girlfriend on the phone and he called her "honey." I got sad for a minute then I was livid thinking how could he be so insensitive to the kids' feelings. They don't need to hear that sh*t right now.

Then again we are talking about him....so I am having one of those days. I can't get over the betrayal so I guess I am still not detached. I feel so sad and so angry today. I feel like giving up - on everything. I don't know how much more a person can take.

I know these feelings will pass but damn do they feel overbearing right now. I don't want this man around my kids if all he is going to do is rub his "whorefriend" in their face. I felt bad to hear my youngest tell me about it. I know it hurts his feelings. I see my kids' face and they say, I wanted to say something mom but we just didn't know what to say. THAT is sad.

I can't help to think this is my fault. What they are going through is because I chose this incredibly selfish man to be their dad. I always knew he was. I wonder if he ever really was who I thought he was - I have never been so wrong!

Luv