What I'm saying, tho, is NOT to communicate a COMPLETELY OPEN-ENDED "DEADLINE" (which, of course, is really no deadline at all) to the fogged-out spouse.
I think it's okay to tell them "I'll hold out as long as I can," or "I'm trying to give you space and be patient," or whatever, but NOT "I'll be here regardless . . . for as long as it takes."
Absolute 100% agree. Totally.
And this is why, despite him not being convinced of MLC, I think Pup is awesome.
...and The term "Mid-Life" in MLC is a stupid hidebound one...but it is the one that is commonly known...right up there with the red sports cars...another misconception but a popular one.
Quote:
your spouse is NOT really a "friend of the marriage" at this time.
ADD: or a friend to you either.
Quote:
He has to EARN YOU back.
Not just YES, but FUKC YES.
ANY LBSer who takes them back open arms without experiencing regret or remorse on the MLCers part...I hesitate to predict the future...in this case I think it is safe to say it will not last long.
Pup, that time line...I agree that everyone has one, I advocate NOT establsihing one in the LBSers head, it is a great way to fail...and NO I am not talking of failing by not being married, I am talking of not giving it your all in your heart and mind.
IF I wanted to lose 50 lbs...and said by August.
What am I doing to myself?
What if I wanted to lose 50 lbs and took it day by day?
Instead of a timeline, I believe in the LBSer giving it their absolute all to see how long they can last...this way no matter what happens later, they have no regrets no doubt.
This was NEVER about the fuckwit MLCer...it is all about the LBSer growing into the best person they can be.
Taylor,
Listen to these guys.
Option 4 is great if you're a martyr...and then I would suggest that your husband get away from a very co-dependant you. : )
Option 3 can ALWAYS be on the table.
Option 2 nice.
Option 1 nice as well.
And yet you still have more options than those 4.
Like plan B.
FOR instance:
Stay there, go to school, get part time job, which becomes full time job, meet some cool new people whil eat job and at school, husband still in MLC but it doesn't consume you because you have a life. He may or may not come out of it, meanwhile you determine your self worth is not tied to anyone else, and F them if they think it should be.
Husband comes around and you decide...
Oh wait...
One day at a time.
Is plan B.
Always evalute your options.
Oh yes...
Taylor.
STOP TALKING TO HIM ABOUT YOUR MARRIAGE. Wine or not. And stop using guilt when you ignore that advice.
You're right you do know him better than we do.
We just happen to know the tendencies of an MLCer better than you currently do.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
