Weren’t you worried about money?? To me that seems like a babystep. And anger is to be expected- although frustration sometimes comes off as and is misinterpreted as anger.
Just last week, I found out that my W, who had always handled the banking and always did a great job at it, had drained the savings down to about $400.00. Twenty-one withdrawals in a years time as opposed to five the year before. She says it is just for necessities and things have got more expensive. There are four withdrawals that she can't account for.
Back to the question; I never did worry about the money. When this all started, I guess I buried my head in the sand and didn't want to believe the worst. We do through the bills together and when something big came up, WE agreed on how much from the savings we needed to transfer. I should have started paying more attention and didn't. No one to blame but myself.
Now, she tells me-without me asking-how much the electric bill was this month, how much we have left in the checking acct., how much we need to start watching money and where we might be able to save some. She even said she had started hanging wash outside but that was tricky because we live in the woods and the clothes get dirty. All of this only after I questioned her on where the money was going and how she couldn't believe I wouldn't trust her with it.
That was my original complaint; how could she afford to volunteer all this time and driving and baby-sitters and going out with her new "friend" and school friends. She said it wasn't costing us anything. I knew better but didn't stand up to her like I should have and was probably my duty as a responsible husband and father to do so. We stopped going out much at all long ago because of having four kids and our work schedules. We stopped making time for each other. Not a big surprise that she missed going out, I did too. I told myself that there would be time for us again after the kids got older. Obviously that is wrong. But I wasn't the one who chose to have an EA with someone else.
I, like many other men here, was co-dependant, passive, and scared of making her mad. I wasn't like that before and guess it started when we had kids. I don't really know, but I do know that it's not how a MAN should act. I am learning my lesson and I hope it's not too late. I am not over-bearing or bossy, but I do stand up for myself and for what I know is right. For me, my kids and my family. I am ashamed that it took something like this to wake me up. All I can do is learn and better myself.
