New here, not sure where to start

[ericmsant2]

IT

What is the real difference between a H in MLC and a vanilla WAH? I would expect that the ways to deal with each are much different from the other.

First off, does it really make a difference? I mean seriously. Yeah it may change how you interact with H but at the end of the day (and you do not see this yet) – this is really about YOU.

Last night we sat up and had a couple of glasses of wine. I don't drink much and neither does he, so we got a little tipsy.

I get it…a few drinks… loosen up a bit and then hit him with this..

We started talking about MLC.

He was curious about it and I told him what I had found out thru reading and research (didn't mention this forum..Aak!!). Mentioned how surprised I was that it was so prevalent and how there are so many similarities between people going thru it.

This ^^^^^ tells me that you still think you can “fix” him. That you can still talk to him and that he will just “get it”. That he will finally realize just how much he loves you. Sorry to say that your ACTIONS will tell him what he needs to know. Not your words.

He says he thinks he's doing pretty well compared to some..didn't move in with her, is here living with me, didn't blow a bunch of money, kept his job. I told him that we would not be able to move forward in our marriage as long as he is in contact with OP.

I am sorry to say…let me tell you what I heard H say to you…from the above…”honey..I am confused. I really am but I know that I do not have to deal with my issues as long as I can tell you that I didn’t do this or I didn’t do that”.

He said he has finally figured that out and that it is on it's way to petering out.

More signs of confusion…

Now, he has told me this before.

So do you pay attention to his words or his actions? I know what I would answer – actions.

But he did say he hasn't seen her in person, hasn't had sex with her but considers her a good friend and cares about her.

Yeah…mine the said the same thing about the first EA, oh..and about the second PA…I personally do not know if he has or has not “been with her” BUT that is not the issue right now. It really is not. Question for YOU. R u comfortable with his answer? Do you believe him? If you can take a step back from all of this…all of HIS issues you will gain clarity over what you WANT in YOUR life.

I told him that I was going to stand by my man and give him all the time he needs.

Once again…let me tell him what I am going to do…maybe that will work. IMO it will not..once again actions.

Look this process takes a long time and in that time you need to let your H go. I did not in my sitch..I held on…thought I could control it..thought I could talk my way out of it…gave space or so I thought…the reality…
Stop pressuring HIM and take a long hard look at YOU..what you want…what dreams do you have. Smile more…go find happiness..while you are doing that..leave your H alone.
God Bless
Eric