Update: FT believes that H is not ready to take any kind of responsibility for his part in his unhappiness. She sees him as still blaming me and wanting to point fingers. Says she believes he is in a confused state and doesn't want to have to deal. There was no revelation (apparently) when he was there last week of anything going on with anyone - or at least that's what I inferred. (Not that he would divulge that right away anyway.) He mostly just talked about how much he resented earning all the money and me and the kids spending it all and him not getting anything out of it. He complained about the messy house (that has now been totally clean for way over a month) and how that frustrated him. She feels that with his background, he does not value his family... at least not right now. There was a lot of looking for justification for his feelings on his part. When she mentioned to him that I had been clinically depressed before going on anti-depressants, he sloughed it off as an excuse.
SO...basically, she held his feet to the fire about his needing to look at himself and I'm guessing that's why he does not want to go back. I can see that, if he is not ready to actually do any problem solving!
When I made a comment about him not going back to FT in my reply email to him earlier, I never got a response from him about it. SO...I guess that door is shut, at least for now.
As for practicalities and how to live with him on a daily basis: more of the same, basically. She feels I am doing the right thing by being the adult in the house and that I need to do more of that, starting with finances. She wants me to do a budget and present it to him, to show him I am capable of handling money wisely. In DB terms, I guess this is part of my 180s - to fix a core issue that was wrong in the R.
As for the whole question of trusting him being faithful, she feels I don't have a lot of choice but to do so for now but I'm not sure I agree with that. ??? I have to think on that one.
