Went to court today and it was rather quick. The attorney's told the judge we agreed upon everything and presented it to him. My attorney is still waiting for W financials, so child support is still unknown. Both attorneys were very surprised to see we still talk and get along. They told the judge that we seem to agree on everything, so they didn't see a problem with the holiday schedule we need to come up with.
Afterward D15 had mentioned that W was telling her last night that I wasn't capable of being a primary parent, so I called mt W. I told her to immediately stop talking bad about me to my D or anyone else. She said she didn't say those things, but that she would from this point forward stop bashing me (we'll see).
She then asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her so we could discuss further. We both realize that D for some reason is pitting me against my W. We're somehow going to try and get a handle on that to at least prevent blow ups like yesterday from happening. She admitted that how she reacted yesterday was completely wrong, and would try not to let that happen again.
All in all it was a little emotional, but not as bad as I thought. My W left without saying anything to me, but we sat together in the court room. It still sucks, and cut's like a knife, but I'll rise above and conquer.
"Primary parent" is a bit of a technical term, interesting your daughter would mention that out of the blue, you think she came up with that herself? I don't, I think she may have overheard your wife talking to her lawyer about child custody, etc.
Your wife has bad mouthed you in front of the children before, you've mentioned as much in previous posts. So it comes as no surprise that she continues to do this. Your wife needs to be careful about this, it can actually look very negatively on her character in a court of law, openly talking poorly about the other spouse/parent to your children is a NO NO. Document how many times this is happening and let your lawyer know about it. Document the arguments that involve her and her daughter, at this point, it's a necessary evil.
As far as pitting you against your wife, I don't see it that way. I think your daughter is angry at your mom, she isn't pitting you against her, you guys have responsibility for the existing situation, she is however angry at your wife, it's possible she has seen or heard too much of what your wife may have been doing while you were away, possibly late night interactions on the phone or computer with another man.
As for going out to lunch, I would say coffee instead of lunch, make it more casual and again this becomes your decision as to the venue and keeps it more focused on what needs to be discussed instead of blurring it with friendly chit chat over lunch. Like you said, she left without saying a word to you, no need to reward that behavior with a lunch with you, just my 0.02 cents.
