I know I am guilty of thinking now that I GET IT, she should see it and try harder too.
She will not change right now. In fact, she may get really angry that you "finally" get it....but in her mind, it's too little--too late.
Your focus needs to be happy with who you become. (After improving yourself, of course.) When you like yourself and know yor are doing the best you can do, then you'll be more convident and you'll like yourself, and that raises you self-esteem. If you respect yourself, then others will also. Right now, your W doesn't respect you.
So, the first thing is to get your eyes off of her. Can you do that?
Too little too late is my impression of my W's attitude at the moment.
Problem is that I WAS happy with who I was before. I worked very hard to provide for my family and I thought I was doing the right thing. Time and energy are limited commodities and apparently I wasn't expending them in the places she wanted me to, but I really did think I was doing what I was supposed to. The she told me, "I don't care about the money.", but at that point is was too late, the damage had already been done.
I know we have to do it, but it is very hard to take the eyes off the W when we are trying so hard to save the M.
