help with a plan

[flowmom]

IDU, your past depression as well as anxiety about your sitch is probably interfering with your being totally present, in the moment. I think that most LBS struggle with this.

I don't think that you should suck up to your wife. But when you're with her, try to be totally present...paying attention to what is going on around you, and yourself (your feelings, your body etc.).

I like so many women used to wonder where my H was...because he certainly wasn't with me. Most of the time I was interacting with a shell of a man, whether because of his depression/anger/possible A...who knows. But as a women whose primary LL is quality time...not feeling him there was very painful.

With kids and distractions, it's not always possible to totally focus on one's spouse. OTOH, my H used to be hyper-responsive to our children, and allow them to distract/interrupt him to an unreasonable degree. He could have compensated for this by making an effort to communicate with me when the kids were asleep, etc.

Don't be too hard on yourself IDU. This is not about you being a perfect DB robot. It sounds like you have a lot of great qualities...remember that and be yourself as you navigate this difficult situation.

(((hugs)))