Wow! I didn't expect to read all of this when I got to work this morning.
I appreciate reading every one's views, I really do. All are welcome. It is all confusing and different points of view help me to know I am not the only one who is having or has had a hard time with all of this.
I am finding my way. I learn something every day. I felt like I was running out of time when I first got here and I find that feeling creeping back in as I continue to miss my opportunities. I am learning, just having a little trouble putting it all into action in the heat of the moment.
Last night W asked what the L had to say. I just said that I had some questions about the process and what would happen as far as paper work, money, etc. She asked if she needed to get a L herself and I said, "Since you want a divorce, yes, you need to get your own lawyer."
She said she thought we had agreed on things. She said I could have the kids 50% of the time. I said, what about the house, CS, days that we each have them? She said neither of us has much money. No sh!t. "Well, I still don't see why you went to a D lawyer if you don't want a D." I simply said to protect myself. I did not tell her any specifics about our discussion.
So, like Coach says, she is upset with me. I guess that's good. I am leading and not worried about what she thinks. My changes are for real. In our sitch, it was never about me not helping out around the house enough, or spending enough time with the kids or anything like that. The only thing she told me was that I didn't seem happy. I was depressed and did not realize it and I'm sure that I wasn't always fun to be around. I have admitted that before. With the help of meds, counseling and this board, I have made the real effort to change for the better and am on my way.
I do want to save my M as we all do. It's easier to tell other people what they should do than do what you know you should when you are living it. Does that make sense? She still gets angry, she has started telling me where every penny is spent and how we could save money by buying some room darkening shades, turning the AC up, making the kids take shorter showers, etc. Yet she won't commit to making the M work. I'm sorry, it doesn't matter who you are and what you have learned, it is confusing.
Thank you all for the continued support. I am not disagreeing or ignoring any of it. Trying to figure it out and do what's right.
