personally I don't think filing for divorce will help you detach, in fact if anything, the opposite intention will be achieved.
that was my original plan. but all this letting go and 'validate him and agree that we should get a d' advice is starting to get to me. yeah, that advice might work on someone who's WAS has an OW. but there is no evidence of that here. (i know .. oh you are so naive. a man doesn't leave his w if there isn't another person to run to).
y'know what. i have intel and there isn't OW. what happened between my h and i was simply this. he said some hurtful things to me. i told him how much he hurt me. he did not acknowledge his error and did not apologize. he went one step further and said it had to be said. in turn, i hurt him back by being ice cold to his parents at Christmas. not only that, but i turned ice cold on h too. no intimacy. he wanted me to address my intimacy issues with an ic. he wanted to improve that with me. but it's too late now.
forrest gump and coach have been trying to get me to see his point of view and how hurt he is. and i could not see it for the life of me. all i could see was how hurt i was. i see the err in my ways. i hurt him for hurting me. not the right way to handle it. i should hold myself to a higher standard than that.
i will consult with my l at the end of the month. we are preparing to respond to my h's financial statement - which is full of bs.
i will let h file whenever he wants to. i wanted to get out of my "bracing for impact" mode because anticipating when this next bomb will drop is not the way i want to live.
i already go out and have fun with friends. i haven't started dating yet but these days i have much younger guys talking to me quite a bit. i'm not into that may-dec romance thing. it's flattering. i would hate for a bomb to drop when i'm having so much fun on my own. it spoils the fun.
i just wanted to know where things were going and put the brakes on this rollercoaster. it could be that i will be served papers at christmas. i don't know. all of the major holidays or anniversaries came and went. so what's next? halloween? thanksgiving?
