Thanks, DLS. Once I stated that a WAW was "disgusted" with her H and some of the men thought I was being too harsh. But it's the truth and that's the only way to make people see how she thinks. If the majority of WAW's in an A feel anything like I did...then everything turns her off. She doesn't want to have to share the same air b/c that would mean having to be in the same room. Blunt, right? But men need to know this fact and stop chasing after a wife who can can't stand him. It is not going to change her feelings.
The LBH seems to think he can talk her into feeling differently.....but he can't. Talking makes her worse! I know there are some on the board that believe in shaming or guilting the WAW back into the R, but I disagree. Would you want to live with anyone that you were "shamed" into staying with? I wouldn't! Guilt is not a good foundation for a M, IMHO.
I'll go another step farther.....I wouldn't want a S to stay just for the children, either. Don't take me wrong, but how would a man like to know his W was staying with him for no other reason except to be there for the kids? Oh, they say that she should but a little while of living under those conditions and his tune would change. He doesn't REALLY want her there except that she wants to be with him! And that is how it "should" be, but when LBH's come here...they find every reason that she should stay in the M. They need to wake up and they need to see how it really is....not what they "think" or "feel".
So would she still talk to me like nothing is wrong and have conversations about how she feels about things if she felt this way? This is what is confusing me. So what is the answer? Kicking her out of the house? I am certainly not leaving. As long as she is in the house she can pretend that the family unit is OK but still not have to sleep with digusting me. I cannot think of any other way to detach. her routine is in tackt and she can flirt and everythignwith people on the computer and preetend to be somone she is not. That feeds her ego. Anytime you show her a glimpse of who she is she gets freaked out. She is living in a dream world, and the only way around it is to wake her up. How do I get there? And better yet, do I want to? Wil lshe do this again? I am not sure it was what I did, but what is gonig on in her mind. I cannot combat that I dont think.
SMM23,
You have been compartamentalized. It means you have an area in your wifes mind and heart where she keeps you. She keeps her lover somewhere else. What really gets my blood going is that OM may have "ownership" of the vagina.
What I have been doing is using the sandy2 information and viewpoint of a female wayward and my own experiences as a wayward husband in a previous relationship and figuring out what its going to take to help change the WAW's mentality.
Once you understand that while they are having their affair that they are not really thinking of you, or that you have been removed from certain duties, pleasures or responsbilities - the question is what is it going to take to assist it going back in the right direction.
Most of us know that you aren't going to plead, beg it or demand it to go back. Usually there has to be actions taken or societal impacts, etc that make it that a wayward would rather to come home and take their marriage seriously again.
