New here, not sure where to start

[ericmsant2]

ITaylor,

Eric, isn't there any way to help him "detach" from her? and re-attach to me?

So let me answer your question with questions…
1) Can you control someone else?
2) What attracted your H to you and vice versa to begin with?

He has told me that he doesn't want to hurt me. But he has..

Believe it or not he probably does not want to hurt – at least not intentionally. You may see him detach even more from you. Become really distant. IMO – they do this because they do not want to give you a false sense of hope. Read the MLC reference material – it really will help you understand what he is going thru.

I also know that his pride stands in the way of saying he's sorry.

Sorry if this hurt you…..BUT…How do you know what is going on in HIS head? Really you need to stop this. The more you do this the more you focus on HIM. Right now, you want to FOCUS on YOU. I can not stress this enough. You asked me how he can re-attach to you. The answer is really simple…YOU NEED TO BE HAPPY. YOU NEED TO BE WHOLE…YOU NEED TO WORK ON YOURSELF. Let me ask you another way….what is more attractive to you…. A man standing around crying , moping, looking depressed or a man with sexy smile, a glow about him, a sense of confidence? Which one is it? I bet your gonna say the man with the sexy smile. SO ITaylor…which one do you want to be (as a women)?

I associate detach with ignoring them..but that probably isn't it, is it?

OMG….I remember feeling this way…most of do. Detachment is not some art form here – sorry to say. IMO it kinda of just happens. You do need to work on it and you work on it by taking the focus OFF of HIM and putting it on YOU. It happens when you GAL…when you begin to LIVE YOUR LIFE…a life my friend, that you can define.

The problem for me is that I don't really understand how to detach without letting the whole thing go..which would mean divorce

Yeah…we all feel that way when we first get here so really as hard as it is to wrap your head around this..give yourself a break. Now…you do not need to let the whole thing go. This does not have to mean divorce. What do YOU want to DO? That is the question you really need to answer. If you want a D – go ahead…trust me when I tell you that threatening him will not help. You know what will…. DETACHMENT….let him go and figure this shiznit out.

tried doing the 180s.

Your doing them for the WRONG reasons….if you were doing 180’s for YOU…because YOU wanted to make changes for YOU…well then it really would not matter what HE thinks..cause the changes are for YOU. Changing for HIM (and we all have done it) is a subtle form of manipulation.

One of the things about detaching is recognizing that you CANNOT control another.

Please read what true posted above ^^^^^^ a 100 times…then re-read it.

Keep your head up…you really can do this…and if…just if…you really open yourself up to the change that I can see, then you will one day look at this in a very different way..you will look at this as a blessing. Hard to imagine that right now…but it is true..this whole shiznit may just be a blessing in disquise. Now please go GAL…tell us what your first GAL activity is.

God Bless,
Eric