Over the last few months, things really did seem to be getting better. As I said, as recently as a couple days before the trip things were still going well, and the approach I had been taking seemed to be working.
It depends on how you define "working," and your perspective -- in the middle of it all, with a long-term, shared history with your wife -- is certainly much different than ours as dispassionate outsiders, looking in.
From my personal archives:
On “Doing What Works”:
One of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
