OK, NOW it sounds like you're ready. That's a plan.
- Yes, expose to her mom immediately before confronting your wife. I used to believe in doing this in the opposite order, but Allen makes a good point about warning the in-laws that their daughter will likely LIE to them, that you have PROOF (but don't want to pain them with seeing/hearing it, unless they want to), and that you're terribly sorry, still love their daughter very much, and do NOT want a divorce but you cannot continue to endure this kind of disrespect in your own home. Anyway, if you do that FIRST, and then she does lie to her mother (and she will), you will have gained credibility with MIL as someone who is honest, and your daughter will have LOST credibility, which is good for what lies ahead.
NO, you are not in a position to ask for transparency yet. This can only be done effectively if and when she comes to you, genuinely contrite, and does the "I'll do anything!" wail. You're not there yet.
YES, you can tell her that you love her -- ONCE. "I love you, and I don't want a divorce, but I've decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair, and I'm certainly no longer willing to put up with this kind of crap behavior and disrespect in my own home." etc.
GOOD MOVE on the moving/firewalling of funds.
Have your phone with you in case she goes nuts, you can record her (if your phone doesn't have this feature, have a voice recorder nearby), and if she goes REAL nuts, you can call the cops. Seriously.
If you have any anti-anxiety meds, it'd be good to take one before the confrontation, if you feel you need to (I did). Do NOT drink, tho -- you need to be on your "A" game.
Keep us posted.
Puppy
How'd you know about my meds. LOL...Yes I will have to pop one. Tell you the truth, I hurt so much, I dont even want a drink anymore. And thank God I havn't reverted back to smoking(6years free).
I gotcha on the inlaw part. This will be tricky, as my MIL and I do not talk at all. So for her to answer the phone and converse will be a task. Especially the last time I did talk to her was back in my physical abuse days and said things that should of never been said. ...
(I already promised the kids, I'd fly her down for Christmas this year , as they havn't seen her in 3-4 years. She lives in Canada, where I originally met W. ..Damn Cannucks LMAO..)
I can do this. I already feel a bit relieved that this is moving forward.
Me 31 Wife 34 (Step)D 15 /(Step)S 13 / D 6 Married 3/3/01 Separated 6/4/10 Bomb 6/14/10 Served 6/22/10 EA/PA Discovered 7/5/10 Now Back Together 8/1/10
