Ooh, that'll cause an explosion but you are right.
I'm REALLY not looking forward to going home. But I have to remember WHAT I know; WHAT she is doing; and if anyone has a right to be upset, it's not her.
In fact, I think my calm may actually drive her nuts.
I think you need to read what a walkaway/cheating spouse themself just posted here this week:
Originally Posted By: TulsaTime
I'm going to give my experience as to what worked on me and got my attention. I was the cheater in my marriage by the way. I was full into an affair and "in love".
My wife exposed to everyone. Her family, my family, our friends not the kids though). This didn't immediately stop me but it blew the fantasy off our affair and started me thinking about things that I hadn't really considered, like my kids.
After some initial pursuing, she stopped. She even handed me the cleaning supplies I needed so I could move into one of our rentals. She agreed that this OW was probably my soulmate and dropped the rope. Reality was beginning to set in.
At this point, OW and I decided the affair was wrong, and would hurt innocent children so we broke it off. It was very diificult. I felt like my life and dreams were ending. My grieving process lasted about as long as the affair, which was short as my wife found out fairly early.
I've read that the grieving process lasts about as long as the affair lasts, so you can see the importance of busting the affair as early as possible.
Some things she did to get my feelings back for her - First, she dropped the rope. I wasn't as important as I thought I was. This was a blow to my ego and surprised me.
She didn't wallow in front of me or the kids. Any pain she felt, she did it in private. Once again, a blow to my ego.
She didn't drop the ball with the kids, or her job.
She went out and got some things done. New hairstyle, straightened her hair. New (sexy but classy) wardrobe, shoes, nails done, make up, etc. She was hot, confident and she showed it by her actions and attitude.
She started getting made up and going out on her own. Not recommendibg it, but going dancing, clubbing, some drinking. More wild. She took control of herself and the situation.
that's good. I've been "living" on the Setting Them Free thread the since it opened.
I'll give it another viewing before I go home and save confrontation/exposure til just before she goes on the holiday w/OM.
I should take the Setting Them Freemindframe home tonight. Do you suggest a "Dobson Speech" tonight or just 'don't feel like discussing' perspective?
Should I be trying to cram a separation of banking into the timeframe before she leaves next weekend or do it all while she's gone?
My thoughts were expose to her aunt who whe'll be visiting next week and take that opportunity of "time" to speak to OM's wife- if I can find her. Ruin BOTH weekends.
Incidentally, it appears they are staying at a place "we" stayed and really enjoyed. I also thought of calling and cancelling the reservation. Ha!But I'm not stooping to her level.
So much for all my nerves. Completely unnecessary.
I got home. She was upstairs with D. I went to say goodnight to D and the "Chatty Kathy doll" came to life. No mention of the Messenger status; nothing.
In fact, when she said she was going for a smoke before bed (knowing she smokes in the garage-especially at night in PJ's) I went out the front door. She followed and talked about work, etc. And regaled me with "her version" of my friend showing up at work. Oddly, no mention of OM's 'holiday detail' slip up.
I also caught her looking at a Messenger and said "I asked you not to do that in front of D or me" She put it in her pocket.
I said G'Night to D and then she asked me to look at the wireless router as she couldn't get a signal. I rest it and said "try now". She comes downstairs to talk more about "nothing".
Then goes to bed.
Weird.
So, I'm getting OM's address tomorrow so I'll check out his place for a W of his own. He doesn't wear a ring (the picture I saw had a flaw when I blew it up larger) but as a mechanic that's pretty standard practice.
Incidentally, and interestingly, she must think my vision is bad or BBerry's have a single angle screen. I saw her last text and it said "Night, Sweetie" She shot off something quick and when she closed it the name read "XXX" (my original guess as to OM- the name the flowers had on them.) I'm now thinking that "XXX" is a secret code name for "Real OM" as that name (though I can't see her BB but she's likely paranoid) might tip me off if I saw it.
And the plot thickens.
I'm going to spend the next couple days getting comfortable with the Guuci/Dobson mindset and speech. Just in case something happens. In the meantime, continue my intel gathering.
