I checked the call logs online. Sure enough, as soon as I left she started texting OM. I am going to bust the A tonight. I cannot take the hurt. I dont care if the law gets involved, I don't care if she leaves to the apartment or the couch. I have to get this off my chest. I want to do whats right.
I plan on leaving work, moving what little savings is in the joint account into mine. I will call ATT and put a hold on the account. Let my parents know, to be on phone standby just incase the law gets involved. Then go drop the bomb.
After all is said, I will leave for a bit. I will come back and agree with her,but wont let her tell me how I feel and will not get baited into a fight. Cool, calm collective..... Her anger is good!
1)Do I set the transparency plans up when I get back or would I hold off for the night? 2) Is it at any time ok to say I love her? After the speach right before I leave, when I come back and she wants to talk and know what I feel? 3) Should I contact her mom and let her know. "Your daughter, my wife is committing adultry with another man. She is destroying our marriage and I have proof. I will take the appropriate measures to protect my self and my famile. I am not doing this out of revenge. Please trust me, It will be getting rough. I ask that you do not take sides during this time and support our marriage not infidelity. (got it on another Puppy Post ) [/quote]
OK, NOW it sounds like you're ready. That's a plan.
- Yes, expose to her mom immediately before confronting your wife. I used to believe in doing this in the opposite order, but Allen makes a good point about warning the in-laws that their daughter will likely LIE to them, that you have PROOF (but don't want to pain them with seeing/hearing it, unless they want to), and that you're terribly sorry, still love their daughter very much, and do NOT want a divorce but you cannot continue to endure this kind of disrespect in your own home. Anyway, if you do that FIRST, and then she does lie to her mother (and she will), you will have gained credibility with MIL as someone who is honest, and your daughter will have LOST credibility, which is good for what lies ahead.
NO, you are not in a position to ask for transparency yet. This can only be done effectively if and when she comes to you, genuinely contrite, and does the "I'll do anything!" wail. You're not there yet.
YES, you can tell her that you love her -- ONCE. "I love you, and I don't want a divorce, but I've decided that I'm no longer willing to lie to cover up your affair, and I'm certainly no longer willing to put up with this kind of crap behavior and disrespect in my own home." etc.
GOOD MOVE on the moving/firewalling of funds.
Have your phone with you in case she goes nuts, you can record her (if your phone doesn't have this feature, have a voice recorder nearby), and if she goes REAL nuts, you can call the cops. Seriously.
If you have any anti-anxiety meds, it'd be good to take one before the confrontation, if you feel you need to (I did). Do NOT drink, tho -- you need to be on your "A" game.
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