She wants the house on the market RIGHT NOW so she can move out and be rid of me. That's what she wants. She wants to be completely separate from me, and not to see me anymore.
I do NOT want to sell, and want to stay here. SHE IS FREE TO LEAVE ANYTIME. THIS IS HER DECISION.
I am simply not going to coddle her and do what she says I should do. She INTERPRETS this as me not letting go.
HOWEVER, should she move out, she is going to DEFINITELY have sex with that Facebook guy.
Isn't that going to mess things up more? I mean, when she is "free" there are most definitely going to be other men. How do you deal with that and DB at the same time?
Meanwhile, I am going to continue to work on me, and act like an adult, and focus on keeping a gorgeous home and great life.
She can leave at anytime and deal with the financials herself. She MUST face the consequences of this.
And is only 1 month of Allan's method enough?
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
Look, all I'm saying is that "there comes a point." Only you can determine when that point is.
Puppy
But she is interpreting me not letting go because I don't want to sell the house.
She wants out so bad she will murder for it. She says she needs to be completely away from me in order to heal, and then move on with her life and find someone else. All I am saying is that I am going to do what is best for me, and let her deal with the consequences.
Last edited by Quicksilver264; 07/08/1002:49 AM.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
I have not read all of Gucci's thread, but I know he subscribes to the Dobson philosophy, which I personally am a fan of and have had success with! It's all about self respect. Of course, Dobson actually advises going into the whole "letting go" thing with the help of a good FT, not without counsel. Having said that, I've done it without counsel, lol.
QS: there IS a way for you to let go and not sell the house. You can stand your ground on the house and still emotionally let her go - and letting her know you are letting her go. She is using that as something to wield over your head, just as the fear of her going off and doing whatever with OM is her power over you...
Get Dobson's Love Must be Tough. You'll be glad you did.
Re the house, you can just tell her why should YOU have to give up YOUR HOME because SHE prefers a selfish childish escape to civlizied mature respect for each other...
I am thinking on this QS... And if you didn't mean anything to her her she would'nt want to get AWAY from you so badly... She may very likley feel a LOT STRONGER than you THINK... The PAIN is why she wants to escape...
If she's in pain QS, she's still very much attached to you... But she doens't know how to manage the pain and do something HEALTHY for herself to relieve it... She thinks escaping you is the solution to that pain...
I would expose him... When your wife confronts you about it if she does you just tell her you will not tolerate disrespect from her in your own home VERY CALMNLY
Tell her she is free to leave any time... But this is your home and you will not accept disrespect from her while she lives there... IF she confronts you on exposing this creep... Last time you THREATENED to expose him he just shut her out... I say you just expose this guy NOW
Well when they talked last night, she thought "it was so very hot" when he said he'd like to discuss things in "person".
He said he wasn't a coward, and was ready to fight me. I take it he can be a loose cannon, and he might just do something stupid.
I was thinking of posting on my Facebook something along the lines of "Well my wife continues to cheat on me with XXXX. What a stand up guy he must be". It might be a good way for EVERYONE to know what is going on.
If I do expose him, I am going to have to contact his CO. THAT could get REALLY UGLY. I mean ugly. Last time all I did was message him, and she went completely nuts.
Now she is in the stages of planning to visit him, and for the moment, keep sex chatting and phone sex. Maybe even Skype too.
I had to read, HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE things last night, and some of what she said to him I just simply CANNOT believe. But this time around I feel more capable of dealing with it. It just hurts REALLY bad to see the things she actually wrote, and how hung up on him she is to let him use her like a play toy. I feel so violated.
This exposure is going to be BRUTAL, and may even turn her parents completely away from me. I don't know. I am going to start with her mom, and see how that goes.
There's a chance this might piss her off so badly that she will take off work and go down there next week. Then him and her might send me pictures of it all. That;s how angry she is going to be.
Me - 32 Her -30 Married - 7 Years Together - 9 Years No Kids 05/21 - Bomb 6/8 - Exposed 7/9 - Re-Exposed 06/11 - She Filed
And I am thinking on this more... I think there is a LOT of pain on her part and she's escaping it privately with the sex chats and her eagerness to sell the house ....
She's afraid to accept that you aren't the painful person she's fixated on anymore... You're someone else and that frustrates her too...
She just has such a hurtful and childish way of dealing with emotional upset... Her parents really did a number on her... I'm surprised she isnt' drinking herself to death...
Anyways, Pup's warnings are important... YOU will have to decide how much you can take and how much attachment is still there...
My thinking is if she's so angry and so impatient its because tehre's a LOT of attachment still there.. EVEN if her FEAR of more painful marriage memories is reminding her to steer clear of you, She hasn'at left yet... She COULD stay somewhere else if she REALLY wanted to right?
You have to decide how much you can take QS... You have to decide.. Do NOT go up and tell her "you win" or something like that if you decide to emotionally let go... just do it for yourself... MANY LBS' here run to their WS in pain and say "OK you win, I want a divorce I can't take the pain anymore etc"... that's NOT going to help you...
You DO need to let go... emotionally so you can combat this thing... But you have to decide how much pain you can take... I don't think 1 month is NEARLY enough time... But your wife's on self destruct and she's gonna take YOU WITH her if you can't detach emotionally while you fight this thing... You will know when to give up... I certainly wouldn't.. I have been where you are QS.. the sex chats in my own home, the anger and hatred, I have seen it all...
My wife never left... She's sleeping in the next room whie I type this right now...
She railed and and screamed and lied and cheated, but she never left... NOW she regrets all that because she has to look at me every morning KNOWING she did all that and she hates herself for it...
She is addicted QS, out of respect for Pupper's work here I will post this in his support that there iS a point, you will KNOW BEST when that is...
One month in my opinion is NOT enough to killl a wayward spouse's fear and convince them a better marriage is on the horizon... YOU have to decide how much pain you can take while you work to show her that better marriage bit by bit every day
QS you need to make it clear to her parents that YOU re NOT going to sit in that home while she has sex chats with other men on the comptuer and belittles you... You understand she's ILL, and you ARE trying to make the home a better place and you are NOT doing ANYTHING to her that is disrespectful...
I would also add that someone who's willing to engage in sex chats in SECRET with someone else's WIFE while she's ILL is NOT a "stand up guy" and its downright creepy.. STALKERISH CREEPY...
I would emphasize that your wife's ill and this guy clearly doesn't give a rats ass about how emotinoally upset she is right now... And someone like that cant' be good for her...
Tell her mother sex chats and belittling you isn't healthy therapy and you aren't going to sit in that house while she abuses you like that
Post it on fb if you think people are going to read it...
AS long as this guy is pursuing her she isnt' likley to make much progress in returning to you... That's the seriouls danger infidelity poses to a marriage.. its a HUGE distration
I have a vid from dr phil on you tube.. maybe you can show that to her mother I will post it here in a min
