...Taken from one of my favorite poems, Desiderata, by Max Ehrmann:
...whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
I'd like to believe that. There are so many quotes I wanted to put in here, but this one truly describes what I'd like to make my faith through all of this- to just let go and put it all in the hands of the universe- while leaving a lot of flexibility and room for embellishment later on .
So... if you're here, you already know me and you know my sitch. Sorry other folks, you're going to have to join partway in, and vaguely- if that's bothersome to not know details, I won't be at all offended if you leave .
I think what I'm struggling most with these days is trying to learn how to detach, the dawning realization that maybe I don't want to try to save the M after all this (I'm LBS, of course), and just trying to grieve and move on from "what could have been."
The detaching is very hard when you have a person who is doing their best to mess with you and even though they said they wanted out, somehow they won't remove the hooks (so I'm trying to myself)- and I just wonder why? If you don't want me, WHY do you do the things you do. Why won't you just move on? I suppose the logical answer is: b/c they're not really done. Something is left they're struggling with and I just wish they'd first move on, away, then struggle without me present, you know? Jeez.
Speaking of universes unfolding, does anyone ever have theirs just go upside down and have the out of body experience of being blamed for everything, including your spouse having to leave you (huh?), blamed of things you haven't even done-- YET-- but are likely to do, knowing your "character", etc? Treated like a leper in their own house despite having maintained a pretty good, friendly attitude? Again, I'm self- aware enough to know this is their anger turned outward, justifying their actions that have no good reason behind them, so one has to be made up, but... Sometimes it's just hard, you know?
I love whoever said the first 6 months belong to the WAS. The next to the LBS. I'm counting down, then, getting ready and pushing the timeline as much as I can. Using this 6 months to their max and taking every advantage, while slugging through all the emotions underneath everyone else here is going through. I'm 2/3 through that first half and think I'm doing a damn fine job of it. Which brings me to another favorite quote:
“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together - when everyone else would understand if you fell apart- that's true strength.” -Anonymous
And, forgive me, one more [emphases mine], that reflects how I'm feeling this week, and most especially tonight- at the end of my rope:
"When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn." -Harriet Elizabeth Beecher Stowe
Am struggling with how to make this thread useful when it's going to be so general. Will ponder on that. Anyway, thanks for listening friends, to my rambling. Will try to make it as interesting as I can, while remaining... vague.
PS- yes, I know all about providing details on one's sitch in a first post. Can't do it- that's why the intro at start about "vague".
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