I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

OK tidbit #3.

Went to go hiking, but we ended up eating lunch at the place, going swimming at the water hole, the kids fell asleep, we went for icecream and we never made it to a waterfall! But I will go back again this summer.

So my MARRIED friend, R, confided that she thinks she could understand how stbxh started his A with OW. She explained that she started carpooling with a fellow student in her MBA class. She said that
she has carpooled with a male student previously, but all they talked about was the class. THIS man wanted to talk about other stuff. She said they hadn't started talking too much yet about personal things but that she realized he had been looking at her in class and said some things that made her think "was he hitting on me?" She said she didn't think he could find her attractive since she is very overweight. She said he was married with 2 kids and was semi-religious. He wouldn't go there....would he? She wouldn't because she can see how the slippery slope comes about but that ultimately you have to CHOOSE to CHEAT. (thank God she gets it!)

I am still concerned. I did tell her that I was pleased that she was able to tell me, considering what she knows that I have been through, and that she is being honest. I asked her when/if she would tell her H that she has developed a crush on this guy. She said she wouldn't tell him because it wasn't necessary. It wasn't likely to be mutual and she wasn't going to do anything!

THEN she said "hypothetically, where would the opportunity be?" I told her people can always make an opportunity and take advantage of the trust their spouses have in them. She said she wouldn't do anything anyway because it is unrealistic that it would last and I reminded her "AND YOU WOULDN'T WANT TO DESTROY HIS FAMILY, RIGHT? You have seen the pain that this has caused me and S! well at least me...AND YOU ARE MARRIED TO YOUR H for LIFE and made a commitment"

I admit that I told her that yes, it is realistic to think he could go for her (thinking to myself that many of us have wondered how our spouses would go for someone who looked or acted the way our OPs do. Therefore, so what if his wife was skinny and short, he might be into a tall, beautiful but very overweight red head with big boobs)

and that if she really wanted to be serious about not getting further carried away with her crush, then she should consider not carpooling with him anymore.

And I realized that my friend "trusts herself" and "knows" she wouldn't do anything....so there's a chance that she isn't "hearing me."

Well I hope she remembers what I said about destroying a family because I was the one who had to bring that up--she wasn't even thinking of them!! Just her and him...just the ego boost of someone finding her attractive.

We talked about how the initial romance in marriage fades and then you have to meet each other's love languages and make an effort to do new things together.She lit up and told me how great her H was. But also told me how low her self esteem was.

My friend is a kind, super smart, loving, helpful person! If she is thinking of this, then see? We are all vulnerable!