I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Next tidbit...was telling my friend C about the custody class and expressing how I am just so upset that S has an increased risk for divorce, that he will have a bizarre perspective on marriage since he will have 2 homes and split half the week (although I truly want him to have the best scenario for establishing good relationships with me and his dad...and that means 50/50...but it is STILL like a weird social experiment to me...)

C said "actually, it is pretty common, unfortunately. I teach for upper middle class families and I have lots of students in this scenario. They seem fine."

Well this pissed me off! Not that I want the kids to NOT be fine--but that she (and everyone else I talk to IRL) all say "oh, he won't know any different...he has a loving mom and dad...don't worry." Well hey--who needs marriage then? Wtf? I guess we can all just sleep around and go from person to person...because
"the kids will be fine!"

So I told her calmly (remember, I save the ranting for my thread!) "C, I have to be honest- it upsets me that you and others downplay the depressing aspect of this situation for the kids. I just want someone to agree "YES. IT IS TERRIBLE and SAD that your son has to grow up like this."

So she said that she does feel that way, but since I don't have a choice and neither does S, (meaning if I want him to have equal access to his dad AND I DO!) then I should try to make the most of it or do the best I can under the circumstances.

I told her I agree, that I am not about to tell S "poor you. If your dad hadn't have been so immature and horny, we would all be a happy family under one roof." NO! (lol!) I just feel alone when others tell me "he'll be fiiiiine. no biggee!"

But I am comforted that, unfortunately, S will have other classmates and friends in the same sitch. I hope he will get to see an example of a healthy 2nd marriage in my house. I hope I will be able to stay married and that my 2nd H won't divorce me.

Then she started to go off and point out "signs" that stbxh was not healthy or a good choice for me to marry. Hmmm....wasn't it 6 months ago when she said she had no inkling or any indication that he was capable of cheating? She started to ask if I did this, or if I said that... (YES!!! I told her! and I was being honest!!!!) and then I started to feel like she was overstepping bounds...asking things that were too personal...and she said

"it's not your fault you married a sociopath."

What the....?????!!!!! I said "ok. wait. He is NOT a sociopath! I was married to him, you weren't. You know what? I'm not ready to tear him apart yet. Maybe in a few months (or never!). I know you don't like it when I cut you off and ask you not to speak but I am JUST STARTING this process. I hope I didn't make you mad! Do you understand?"

she was mad, but she said yes, she understood.