Just found out she already filed

[g450]

SR Said:

"Wii, it's funny you mention that men have a tougher time because our families are our social life. We focus everything on them. This is sooooooooooooooooo true for me but I thought I was an anomoly- a hermit, an introvert"

Yep, same here. I even isolated myself from my brothers sad to say. I am making up for this now in a big way.

The "my family is my life" fit me to a T also. This is why this divorce and her affair hit me so hard. That and my Son was grown and I was dealing with the empty nest as well. It was a tripple punch to the gut. And I did turn to drinking to numb me a bit and get me through it.

whatsis said:

"she was the career woman always looking to better herself professionally and I was just the everyday go to work come home kind of guy."

Again, fit me to a T. She did talk about retiring and used to complain about her job. Now she tells everybody she has so much to do and so many people to help that she is not retiring from her social worker position. It's amazing how she has so much luuuuuv for everybody else, including strangers and has nothing but animosity and indiference for the man that loved her for 23 years. Go figure.

But like the both of you I am slowly getting my own life and have made some friends. Some are female even. But I do not have a GF or Lover at this point. Not sure I am even ready for that.

[ImprovedRomeo]

On blackberry so will be brief...DD told me STBXW stopped by and she was sick and didn't go to work. Explains why she didn't respond to the emails I sent in regard to the household stuff etc. I'm wonderinf if I should ask her if she needs anything or if she wants me to keep DD tomorrow too? but if she's good enough to drive to DD's school then she's good enough to drive to the doc/pharmacy etc. Thoughts?

[whatisis]

Again, fit me to a T. She did talk about retiring and used to complain about her job. Now she tells everybody she has so much to do and so many people to help that she is not retiring from her social worker position. It's amazing how she has so much luuuuuv for everybody else, including strangers and has nothing but animosity and indiference for the man that loved her for 23 years. Go figure.

g450, my wife was and is a social worker too but she's a Supervisor, so above a lowly mental health worker like myself. She used to continually complain about her job too, and I'd listen for hours...but didn't know how to listen according to her. Damn, I now wish I had of told her to shut her cakehole and did something more rewarding like watch more sports! I always wondered the same as you, how come she has so much patience for everyone else who works for her or clients she deals with but none for the man she's shared 17 years of her life with! I did friggin' everything to make her life less stressful, I cooked, picked up the kids, took them to appointments, managed the finances...you name it I did it (except the laundry, she wouldn't let me do that...not that I fought too hard for the job!)
Hey, but this is Romeo's thread to bitch on, so I'll stop now.

[ClingingToHope]

I'm wonderinf if I should ask her if she needs anything or if she wants me to keep DD tomorrow too? but if she's good enough to drive to DD's school then she's good enough to drive to the doc/pharmacy etc. Thoughts?

Do not ask her if she needs something. I'm guessing you, like me, were always the one to bail her out on stuff like this.

For 13 years whenever a kid was sick or something popped up at work I would volunteer to sacrifice my job for hers.

Guess where that got me -- a divorce.

In the past year she's called several times complaining about this or that, pausing to see if I would jump in to fix things.

I don't jump in anymore. That's not my job. I told her if she needs something she has to ask.

If you jump in and help then she gets the best of both worlds -- freedom from the M with the advantage of a dedicated man jumping in to help her whenever.

[newmama]

Romeo....I am sorry but I disagree with the others about sickness...do ask. If you were sick, and couldn't care for DD, wouldn't you want your stbxh to help? I know, I know they divorced us, so they shouldn't get the perks of our help. BUt it does affect DD...she could get sick. Also, I am a high road, live by the golden rule if you can kind of gal. Not to martyrdom but just to common sense level.

[bluestar]

I would just let her know that D told you he came by and ask if she needs you to keep her tomorrow. If she needs anything else, she can ask. Polite concerned parent, not pursuing exh.

[newmama]

"she was the career woman always looking to better herself professionally and I was just the everyday go to work come home kind of guy."

This was me...until fall 2008 when he started the A!

My stbxh was an introverted hermit homebody. I didn't have the opportunity to be a family with him, but could see him being content with the 3 of us.

What are the wives bitching about? I will tell you what my friends(who are still married)complain about...in no particular order...a collection of complaints:

+he waits until he is soooo pissed off before he tells me that he is upset with something I did/am doing....why can't he just talk to me before it builds up?

+he would rather be on the internet/play video games/be on his blackberry/work on his racecar/play with his RC cars....than spend time with me

+when we do spend time together, he just wants to sit at home and watch a movie

+when we go out alone, I have to be the one to carry the conversation...is he even listening to me?

+he doesn't tell me I am pretty or compliment me on stuff

+I wish he would take better care of himself

+I wish he would spend more time on foreplay

+I wish he would help more with chores around the house

seriously, although these are from my married friends, they are the stuff that I hear women complain about the most.

"I tell him I am unhappy. I ask him to change. BUT HE WON'T LISTEN! HE IS SO STUBBORN!He does what he wants!" and you know what? I felt the same about like 2 complaints for my stbxh (that's all I had- he really was a great husband until he cheated, lol!)
my complaints were: I have to carry the conversation (and conversation is one of my LL) and I wanted him to tell me what he was feeling or thinking before it made him so upset.

[newmama]

yep, totally agree with bluestar!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Thanks guys. I agree with you bluestar and NM but I decided against it this time. The reason being I don't want to set the precedence that she can use DD to 'relay' things in a sneaky manner (not saying she did, DD probably asked if she was going to work and she said no she was sick) in the future. If she's sick she needs to say it, she needs something she needs to ask.

Funny, on the day of temp support when she took me to court to get the max $ out of me she said 'I feel like you're taking advantage of me since I didn't have a job' - I just about fell over...I said 'I didn't ask you to leave, this is not what I wanted, this is your decision you made single handidly for all of us. As for not having a job, how is that my fault? I've supported you both emotionally and financially for a year since you got unemployed. Heck I even told you to ask if you needed money AFTER you moved out'...she said 'I hate asking for money, you know I need it so just give it to me' - I can only shake my head now that I think back about it. Talk about cake eating...wait getting the cake fed with a golden spoon by the one she kicked to the curb. How rude and how insulting. It's like a friend said "dude, she's like a parasite, she'll feed off of you even when you're dead to her" - I didn't like that comment from my friend but it sort of is like that.

[DaddyLongShanks]

Thanks guys. I agree with you bluestar and NM but I decided against it this time. The reason being I don't want to set the precedence that she can use DD to 'relay' things in a sneaky manner (not saying she did, DD probably asked if she was going to work and she said no she was sick) in the future. If she's sick she needs to say it, she needs something she needs to ask.

Funny, on the day of temp support when she took me to court to get the max $ out of me she said 'I feel like you're taking advantage of me since I didn't have a job' - I just about fell over...I said 'I didn't ask you to leave, this is not what I wanted, this is your decision you made single handidly for all of us. As for not having a job, how is that my fault? I've supported you both emotionally and financially for a year since you got unemployed. Heck I even told you to ask if you needed money AFTER you moved out'...she said 'I hate asking for money, you know I need it so just give it to me' - I can only shake my head now that I think back about it. Talk about cake eating...wait getting the cake fed with a golden spoon by the one she kicked to the curb. How rude and how insulting. It's like a friend said "dude, she's like a parasite, she'll feed off of you even when you're dead to her" - I didn't like that comment from my friend but it sort of is like that.

StupidRomeo,

Some of those quotes blow my mind... But I KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING about. I guess this became progressively worse in this particular person. You are not even an ATM. Your a pile of defensless money.

"StupidRomeo, you know I hate asking you for money, so I don't want to waste any more time, just give me some money" LOL.