Separated, MLC and Infidelity - with kids

[Optimust]

I am taking the higher road and trying to do what I can to pull the girls out of it, but to bash W to them is wrong, to beat the pi$$ out of OM in front of them (or at all) will also backfire. I'm struggling to figure out boundaries that will make her keep them out of it. She is inflicting damage to them that the court system doesn't recognize, so I cant go there either.(did background check also, nada there)

She has alienated herself from all mine and her family, so there is no pressure that they can really apply at this time either. She does need me to have the girls on my days, and I would use that except it would actually be punishing the DD's and myself more than W.

I am going to try and explain it to her without her feeling I'm telling her what to do, and see how that goes over. I suffer from the whole 'fixer' issue, and she hates anything that sounds like she is being told what to do at this time, and thinks I'm a know-it-all, so it will be interesting how it goes over.

Any suggested websites or literature that deals with the mental and emotional damage kids take from this kind of interaction would be appriciated.