Newlywed: The problem with being married to a ND spouse is that it becomes impossible to find good in them or the relationship. My wife is now only my roommate, which is completely unacceptable to me. Since she never wants to touch me, what is there that I can relate to as being GOOD? Maybe getting to a counselor is the best option for both of us. Maybe if a 3rd party tells our spouses how awful they have been they might start to understand. What comes from our mouths just goes right throught their ears. What I truley can not understand is why people get married and then don't plan on being "LOVERS" for the rest of their lives. To be "Lovers" you MUST BE physical, you MUST do the whole package. It seems that ND spouses want to be Companions instead, which is a step or tow lower on the relationship chain. I know my wife and many of her girlfriends really EXPECT the passion to fade, it is NORMAL to them. They act like how can you DARE EXPECT a women to actually be sexual in mid-life, there are a million reasons to not be sexual. And the worst thing is when you start doing all the things that THEY want you to do, THEY never understand that THEY are supposed to meet MY needs. THEY actaully start thinking that us HD spouses have ACCEPTED THEIR LD LIFESTYLE, which of course we NEVER can truely accept.
Newlywed, can I ask you about your husbands childhood, was it completely normal, or were their dysfunctional things in their past? Was his family a loving, touching kidn of family? I ask these things because I am thinking that when my three sons start dating and getting serious with someone, that I will tell them to AVOID any women that grew up in a dysfunctional family, to avoid any woman that has ANY kind of abuse problem in the past, to AVOID any woman that came from divorced parents, that to AVOID any woman that had alchoholics in the family. It seems that people that grow up in dysfuntaionl families are VERY likely to end up being dysfunctional themselves, and it may not show up until years later. It's the whole theory of "Who wants to want". People that grew up wanting to be loved, hugged, touched, etc.. in families that are completely dysfuntional learn to eliminate the desireto be loved so as to not be disappointed when they are not loved. This can carry over to their entire lives. I think my wife has this problem to some degree. I think my wife Looks to find something wrong with me to PROTECT herself from getting to close.
