The decision to remain in some sort of R is up to you. What I can tell you is this....whatever you decide do it with no regrets. Don't do anything while you are hurt...while you are pissed...whatever you do...try as much as possible to do it in LOVE. I don't know about you but that is who I want to be.
I think my decision to not stay in a R with him is for self preservation. I don't trust myself with him... I do still love him. I think I will always love him. But I do not love the same way as he does. I am not saying that I always treated him well..and I was perfect. With that being said..when my H was in a mood..or if we fought- he always hit below the belt...he was never able to see past his hurt and his pain. He didn't care about the pain he was inflicting on others. I tried for a long time to understand him. We were so different in this regard. I am not saying I am not capable of inflicting hurt on others..but when I do- I genuinely feel terrible about it..I feel empathy..it hurts me- which ultimately deters me from doing it very often. In most circumstances..I am able to take pause- and really think about how my unsaid words will impact someone else..or how my future actions will make someone feel. He lacked that. I think deep down inside he always felt there was something wrong with him in this regard..there were some times (very few) that I sensed his disappointment with himself. I don't think he really liked who he was. He just couldn't help it. That is why I stayed..that is why I continued to love him.
I hate that at times...I stooped to his level. I know that was not who I was. I knew better. This is something I want to change about myself. I wasn't that person..but I allowed myself to become that person.
There is a fine line between loving unconditionally...and being taken advantage of. During the separation..and even until this day..my friends have said "Lola- you are being taken advantage of...he is manipulating you..you are a doormat"...I kind of have to believe that.
So at what point do you have to stop loving someone/something that doesn't return the love? Sometimes loving unconditionally without it being reciprocated leads to a lack of respect...which is a fundamental element in every relationship.
