Wow. I've been away for a long time. Life's gotten busy, and I guess I haven't had the time. Quite frankly, by the time I get home I've been exhausted.
A lot of little things have happened:
1) W signed over the house to me, to my great surprise 2) I refinanced the house, so I can stay in it for a while. 3) W signed the divorce papers, but crossed out lots of paragraphs. THEN delayed giving them to my lawyer for two weeks. 4) W told me she has decided that text messages are no longer appropriate, so it's email only for now. 5) My lawyer and I just sent back another proposal for the agreement, since I can't accept the changes she made. 6) The pets (one of the two dogs, and the two cats) seem to be having problems with the changes in the home.
Last, I had really the best father days ever. Which really surprised me; I'm not feeling like the best father. I wish I had been able to save my marriage.
My kids planned the entire day for me. We basically revisited/recreated things that we had enjoyed doing together over the years. They both wrote me detailed cards thanking me for helping them through this tough time. The details they poured into the cards brought me to tears. In the midst of all this, I feel like the luckiest guy!
I hope all of you are doing well too.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
My kids planned the entire day for me. We basically revisited/recreated things that we had enjoyed doing together over the years. They both wrote me detailed cards thanking me for helping them through this tough time. The details they poured into the cards brought me to tears. In the midst of all this, I feel like the luckiest guy!
See, they know and understand so much! They know your strength and love you for it. You ARE one lucky guy.
My posts are getting farther and farther apart. My life is getting busy, which is likely a good thing, but it leaves less time for DB.
This past week, I had likely the best vacation ever with my two teenagers. I didn't miss my soon-to-be-ex-wife at all. That was very odd to me, and I caught myself several times wondering about it. It made me a little sad to realize that over the past 17 years, things had not been that great, and that I was really having a better vacation than in a long time.
Yesterday, I dropped the kids off at the airport. They flew to the other side of the country for a week with their mom and her family. I've been doing great, but suddenly it's very hard! It's a very lonely situation, having your kids taken away suddenly like this. I'm trying to look at it like a new found freedom, but it's a struggle. Seriously, I feel a little silly about it. After all, D17 will be leaving for college in another 9 months.
It's hard to believe were I am right now: in the middle of a divorce. A year ago I had no clue this was coming. Even more so, it's hard to believe I've been dealing with this for nine months and we still don't have a divorce agreement.
I've been pretty angry at my wife for the past few months, and only over the past week has some of the deep regret over my failures started to come back. They are real, and I need to deal with them. I miss her just a little bit tonight, which is actually a little comforting. I was worried that I was starting to hate her a little bit. I'm still pretty confused at the amount of hate and anger she has for me. She pretty much refuses to have any communication with except the very rare email when it is absolutely needed. I wonder if she really hates me, or if she just needs to in order to justify her breaking up the family this way. Then I get mad at myself for worrying about it at all! I know I just need to get on with my life.
Anyway, I hope everyone here is doing well.
M:42|W:40|D:17|S:13|Bomb:10/23/09 Awoken's Current Thread
It will take you time to get on with your life. Forcing it will not make it happen any faster. I know there are times when I just want it to work out for me and W. It brings back the emotions. I will probably always have these feelings from time to time, and I am sure will too. I think it is natural. Don't get "mad" at yourself for your feelings.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
Hi Awoken, Glad to hear you had such a wonderful vacation with your kids. It must be very hard indeed, to be without your kids while they're with their mom. It sounds like you get a lot of your energy from their presence, so when they're gone it leaves you feeling low. Perhaps though, you need that time to process your feelings about what has happened, even though it's so confusing and doesn't feel good while it's happening? You've mentioned your regret over your mistakes in the M, and your desire to deal with them, a number of times. Maybe turning it into an action might help you with this? What kinds of things do you think you need to do in order to feel like you've dealt with them?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Hi again, Awoken, kept thinking of you today, so just wanted to stop by again and offer my support. I was so sorry to read you're feeling lonely while the kids are away, and to hear how exhausted you've been with busy-ness in work and life. I hope that in amongst everything else, you're taking some quiet time to take care of yourself - read a good book; sit on the deck and watch the sun go down with a cold beer. I don't know... just something to allow yourself the space and time to heal. That likely sounds pretty insipid; I wish I had some better words of wisdom for you! Nevertheless, just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and am hoping you've had a better day today. Take care, PG.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
