Just skimming through your posts, thought you were further along in the process when I gave you the tips from Larry on my thread. Please don't follow that advice if OW is still playing a dominate role in your life.
How do you detach?
By having as limited contact as possible with your WH. If you're still living together, act like you're a male a college roommate with no interest in his life. Don't text him, call him, include him in any plans, etc. It may take time for the changes to sink it - or not, depending on how close you are and how troubled your situation is.
If you see the title on my thread, it's called "He's Loving the Freedom of the 180 - Now What?" because when I started posting in early May, about 3 weeks into DBing, my WH was enjoying his freedom WAY too much, spending too much time with OW and ignoring me and our kids. It took him a good 6 or 7 weeks to FINALLY realize that, "Hey - she doesn't give a d@mn WHAT I do - what's up with THAT?" It's only been in the last month - the last two weeks in particular - that he's come to realize that maybe OW ISN'T all that great, that my NOT caring isn't making him happy, and all in all, it kinda sucks to be him right now.
Meanwhile, I've gone from thinking I could never live without him to knowing full well I could. In short, the separation, detachment, and 180 has been REALLY good for both of us -- for completely different reasons.
Now that he's hit rock bottom or is pretty close to it because OW isn't filling his every thought and he's had time to access the damage he did, NOW I can finally start flirting with reconciliation.
You have to get to that point too - don't do things out of order, for both your sakes. There is no magic pill to fix things. It's called time + effort. And with MLCer's, you just can't speed things up.
I know that's not the answer you were looking for, but really, it's the ONLY way. You can't MAKE him give up OW. I tried and it nearly cost me my marriage. He has to decide on his own.
As Allen in the Infidelity forum says, there are only 3 choices a wayward spouse can make:
A. Try to maintain both relationships (cakewalk) B. Divorce spouse and take chances with OP C. Get rid of OP and rebuild marriage
Take away option A by detaching, and force him to chose B or C. The detachment gives them the opportunity to explore option B without necessarily divorcing. As most affairs fizzle in time, he will come to realize C's his best option.
I'll admit it's risky and very scary, flirting with option B, when your goal is really C. But the only other option is A, which is completely unacceptable to most faithful spouses. You have to force him to choose. And the only way you do that it by showing him what he has to lose by losing you. It will NOT happen overnight.
