I have done all that with my W, made the changes and is still doesn't matter. She just doesn't have "those feelings" for me anymore.
She was actually annoyed by the things I was doing. "Why are you asking about my day now, you never cared before, why do you care now?" My reply "After reading these books, I realize now how important that interaction is to you and I want to be there for you.
Regarding house cleaning I began doing: "See, you DO know what to do, you just CHOSE not to do it before! That makes me even MORE upset. How could you let me do all the work and get so run down." My reply, "I don't know, why didn't you ask me to help you?" She says "I shouldn't have to. I told you I was overwhelmed. You should have seen it." I said "Maybe since I thought you were working part-time and I was working so many hours that you doing it was part of the nonspoken agreement. I don't know. I want to help you now. Please ASK me to do things for you." Of course, I am also doing things on my own and I now ask her what she needs help with or wants me to do. Most of the time I get the response, nothing.
Regarding time with the kids: "I see you are spending more time with them, but are you just doing it for me? You have to be doing it because YOU want to." My reply: "I do want to and have been now that I haven't been working as much. Why does it matter why I am doing these things? The fact is that I am doing them because I want to and it is the right thing to do."
It seemed and still seems like I can't do anything right. She has admitted all of the changes I have made, but it still doesn't matter. It is her lack of feelings for me and her belief that her feelings will never change is what is causing her to divorce me now.
I have tried so hard, only to have little or no effort shown in return.
Gotta hang in there though.....As everyone says, this can take a LONG time.
