That's a tough one enact Puppy. I sometime feel the same way as FFH. Black and white is hard to get away from, but we both know you are right. It is just VERY hard to do.
Quote:
Do what you have to do (do "The Right Thing") and let the future take care of itself.
Focus on the process not the outcome. Just focus on what you can control - your thoughts, feelings and actions. No expectations (you are already dead) just stick to your values and doing things the right way.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Living under the same roof right now is going to be hard knowing what I know. I need to figure out how we can be in the same house and be civil for our son.
I'm not even sure how to interact with her now. Any suggestions on what works and doesn't work.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
You might to read SmileyPerson's old threads. He had a detachment & communication technique he'd call "Smile and wave," and I think that's about right.
You have to take a VERY detached, almost bemused, above-the-fray approach if you are to survive this phase. And even then, I don't think one can do it for more than 90 days or so.
I also tried to arrange my schedule such that I had as LITTLE daily in-person interaction with my wife as possible. I was able to cut out about 75% of it, and that helped, a lot. The weekends were much tougher, tho.
I have been trying very hard to do this. Spending very little time in the same room as W and not initiating much in the way of conversation. Would it be better to be separated at a point like this?
Short-term, probably for us to be together, but if that gets in the way of reconciliation and a separation might speed a reconciliation, then that would be better for them.
I was just thinking that a separation before the D is final might help to avoid the D at all, which would ultimately be best for the kids, right?
Maybe I am just talking myself in circles, but sometimes I think the only way we are going to reconcile is to get separated. If we continue to live together and everything stays "as is" until the D is final, is there any reason she will change her mind?
Is that the wrong way to think?
I understand what Puppy is saying above, but I've also seen lots of advice to move W out of the house if she wants a D.
I am working with my atty on a proposal to move W out that we are going to present in court next Tuesday and I want to be sure that is the right way to go......
I love my W but the fact to the matter is she is cheating on me and I know that mentally I can't handle seeing her on a daily basis. I think the separation will do us both good and if our paths cross great, if not then I know that I've done everything I could to save my marriage.
I've given the separation a lot of thought and I've come to realize that I can't control my W. I can't make her see that OM is merely a distraction for her. Not too mention a huge risk because OM is her boss. I know my W and I know she will have a hard time living alone but it's something we need to do.
If OM is her soulmate then so be it. I'll have to live with that but at least I can start healing and move forward without her. I know for know that living together isn't an option while this is happening right under my nose.
This has made me so much stronger as a person and down the road I know that if I'm lucky enough to have another R I'll do the right thing. I won't make the same mistakes i've made with my W. I know that the R I have with my son will be stronger and i thank my W for opening my eyes to this.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
I truly believe it's going to be hard but I need to do this for me. I'm losing this battle and I'm losing myself in the mix. I've never felt this type of pain before and everyone around me can tell. They are amazed on how well I'm handling the sitch but they know I'm not myself.
I hope in due time I'll fall back into my normal routines and get back to my out going self again.
M: 36 W: 29 S: 2.5 EA: 2/2010 OM1 D Bomb: 3/2010 PA: 6/2010 OM2 W moved out 8/2010 Loc: DE, USA
