Well, it was a very short conversation so it didn't even go that far. Just a few comments. He certainly didn't push for much. It just goes right along with everything else right now: he doesn't really care about me, he only cares about him!
I made the comment several weeks ago about "for better or worse" and he made a snide comment about whose idea was that? I said God's and he just smirked. SO...richer or poorer wouldn't make a difference to him either! lol
SUNNY : You married for richer or for poorer remember? HUSBAND : Who's idea was that? SUNNY : When you said "I do" it became your idea.
OR
SUNNY : You married for richer or for poorer remember? HUSBAND : Who's idea was that? SUNNY : When you ASKED me to marry you remember? And if that wasn't enough of a hint when you said "I do" to the question that kinda sealed the deal on your idea there sport...
Am I at least allowed to ask H if he's going to FT this week and when??? I know it's up to him and so, I want him to take responsibility and go. If he doesn't want to go then pressuring him will not do any good anyway. I'd really like to know though!
Then call teh FT's office to confirm if his appointment is still active...
How much notice does he have to give them?
There ARE ways around him as you can see...
And you CAN't PRESSURE him to go or he will just QUIT GOING
You have to make the trip FUN
Why not plan a nice dinner for him on eht days that he geos or something.. give him a REASON to go?
If you REALLY HAVE to bring this up to him you can sneak the info in...
Start making plans around that day... before and after the appointment, things he would WANT to do and would ENJOY doing.. with kids and without.. you tell him you want to know if he's ok with the plans for that day after his appointment or if he just wants to be ALONE after it...
THAT is a not so delicate way of going to him to confirm his appointment...
But he CAN cancel AFTER you ask.. so what's the point?
True - there's no reason he can't cancel if he thinks I'm being pushy. I'll figure something out. I just want to try and do as you say and make my appt. for after his instead of before.
No appointment for H with FT. I asked him about needing car later today with D having to work and the 3 of us sharing 2 cars... He does not need car and mentioned he did not have an appt. GREAT....just great.
I'm pretty mad/disappointed/upset. My gut feeling was that he had no intention of getting any kind of help for himself or for the M. He went because he wanted to make sure I am getting help - that I am going to be OK - to ease his guilt or because he still thinks I need to change! This tells me he's still not looking at anything he is doing as wrong or as the source of his issues.
How did you find out that H had no appointment with FT? Did he have one scheduled? Did you discuss it with him?
He probably will not seek help until he is ready. Did he tell you why he went to counseling? Try not to assume the reason he has went. It will make you crazy.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
LSG, he went last Thursday after work. I assumed if he did make an appt. after leaving last week that it would be for the same day/time. I have not asked him about it all week but I needed to know if he needed the car (for the appt) after work. SO...I asked him and he replied that he did not need it and he mentioned he did not have an appt. Of course this, coupled with the fact that he referred to FT as being my therapist (as opposed to ours) the other day leads me to believe he has no real intention of going back. He is the one that had originally asked to go - had me make him an appointment. He did not specifically say at the time why he was going. Well, he implied that it was to work things out. He hasn't talked about his session last Thursday at all except to mention discussing my going back to school with her (the FT). Why on earth was he discussing that anyway? Should he not have been focusing on HIS issues???
Sorry - venting a little. Of course, it does no good for him to go if he is not ready to seek help. I'm just perturbed that I was lead to believe he WAS ready and obviously, he is not.
Right now I have that "I don't care what he does anymore!" attitude...so, it's probably a good thing I have an appt myself at 1:00.
Have you asked him why he thinks the FT is just yours? Did he say he would not go back?
Maybe he thinks that the FT is there for you and not really there for him. He may feel there is bias even if there is not. This is the way I felt with our first FT. You will not know how he feels unless you ask him.
Venting is good, and this is the place to do it. The counseling is good if it is helping you.
ME-41 W-33 M-8 D-8 S-4 D 5/17/2010 www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1961097#Post1961097
