Scwred up and need advice

[CPCajun]

Cajun, I think it's time you lead and lay down how your home is going to roll. You need to reclaim your house/bedroom and call her out on the CB. She keeps you off balance by telling you she needs to talk then telling you she's done - that's your speech to give.

Tell her you need to talk.

This is very specific, not up for negotiation and it works.

"Wife, I have been doing some thinking. I know I have hurt you in the past and for that I am sorry. I agree this marriage isn't working for me either. I have decided I won't share you with another man. I am moving back into the house, you will move into the garage apt. I will contact my L to get the D filed."

You have thought about this (decisive), you admit your fault, you agree with her and set her free, you call her out on the A, you reclaim your home (manly) and you give her the bomb. Now she can choose how she responds. No ultimatums, not controlling her just giving her what she wants but with you leading (attractive). She knows you know about the A, she wants you to fight for her, she will respect you for standing up to her - that's a test.

Don't reveal how you know, just say "I know all about Russ, don't kid yourself." if she tells you there is no OM. She really wants you to put your foot down and call the meeting to order. She will be angry and still test you. This isn't personal just about behavior that is unacceptable in your home. She has a choice in how she behaves and you have a choice in how you let her treat you. You can handle it.

Strength and Honor
Coach

First CB? I looked for the acronym,but am lost.

I was going to verify with L, but he is on vacation for another week. Since I have(and this is before A was known) legal document stating I am supposed to be in the apartment. I just do not want to go to jail.

As for the bust, what happen to the game plan? I can stick to the script you stated Coach, but what about what D knows, or her friends? Do I bring them up of just worry about W and I? What about exposure to the family?

I tell you now, once she gets the anger going, she most likely will not leave the house. She may call the law or her L. Is it feasible that she can sleep on the couch if she refuses to leave? How do I handle the angry behavior? I am sorry, just trying to get a plan B ready. I dont want to use my emotion and react. I want myself to be prepared so I do not fall.

Lately the loss of sleep, appetite,stress at work, etc is now catching up.

I can handle it...Or Coach should I say..I can do it.(Bobby Bouchere)

[Puppy Dog Tails]

CB = crap behavior. It's a Robx term.

[Coach]

CB = Cr*p Behavior (one of my favorite RobX expressions

Since I have(and this is before A was known) legal document stating I am supposed to be in the apartment. I just do not want to go to jail.

Let's leave ol' Sheriff Thibodeaux out of this. Then just scratch that line until you talk to your L.

but what about what D knows, or her friends? Do I bring them up of just worry about W and I? What about exposure to the family?

You just worry about what you have decided about how you will be treated. Let her know that if anyone asks you will just be truthful.

How do I handle the angry behavior?

Anger is good it means she is still interested. So if you are getting flamed on just remember "Coach said this is good, Coach said this is good."

Just agree with her, "I understand this isn't working." Don't let her tell you what you think/feel/believe. "you just think......" or "you feel like...." just respond "You don't know how I feel if you want to know just ask."

You will probably hear that she can't trust you ("I understand the lack of trust"), she was ready to come back until this happened ("I can see how me knowing what I know would change your plans.") , you made her do it ("No, I don't control your actions this is your mess.") , they are just friends ("Please don't take me for a fool, we both know better."), you are running around ("No wife, I am actually very focused and another woman is the last thing I want now.") ........ all to keep you from staying focused. When in doubt say nothing or "I am thinking about what you said."

Don't get baited into a fight. Know when you are most alert and plan your talk then. You end the conversation and leave the property. If she gets crazy film her with your phone.

You stay calm, collected and confident. Check your negative emotions at the door, be loving towards her.

You can handle it.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

CB = Cr*p Behavior (one of my favorite RobX expressions

Since I have(and this is before A was known) legal document stating I am supposed to be in the apartment. I just do not want to go to jail.

Let's leave ol' Sheriff Thibodeaux out of this. Then just scratch that line until you talk to your L.

but what about what D knows, or her friends? Do I bring them up of just worry about W and I? What about exposure to the family?

You just worry about what you have decided about how you will be treated. Let her know that if anyone asks you will just be truthful.

How do I handle the angry behavior?

Anger is good it means she is still interested. So if you are getting flamed on just remember "Coach said this is good, Coach said this is good."

Just agree with her, "I understand this isn't working." Don't let her tell you what you think/feel/believe. "you just think......" or "you feel like...." just respond "You don't know how I feel if you want to know just ask."

You will probably hear that she can't trust you ("I understand the lack of trust"), she was ready to come back until this happened ("I can see how me knowing what I know would change your plans.") , you made her do it ("No, I don't control your actions this is your mess.") , they are just friends ("Please don't take me for a fool, we both know better."), you are running around ("No wife, I am actually very focused and another woman is the last thing I want now.") ........ all to keep you from staying focused. When in doubt say nothing or "I am thinking about what you said."

Don't get baited into a fight. Know when you are most alert and plan your talk then. You end the conversation and leave the property. If she gets crazy film her with your phone.

You stay calm, collected and confident. Check your negative emotions at the door, be loving towards her.

You can handle it.

Puppy

[TimeHeals]

And get some sleep, gosh darn it!

[Coach]

CB = Cr*p Behavior (one of my favorite RobX expressions

Since I have(and this is before A was known) legal document stating I am supposed to be in the apartment. I just do not want to go to jail.

Let's leave ol' Sheriff Thibodeaux out of this. Then just scratch that line until you talk to your L.

but what about what D knows, or her friends? Do I bring them up of just worry about W and I? What about exposure to the family?

You just worry about what you have decided about how you will be treated. Let her know that if anyone asks you will just be truthful.

How do I handle the angry behavior?

Anger is good it means she is still interested. So if you are getting flamed on just remember "Coach said this is good, Coach said this is good."

Just agree with her, "I understand this isn't working." Don't let her tell you what you think/feel/believe. "you just think......" or "you feel like...." just respond "You don't know how I feel if you want to know just ask."

You will probably hear that she can't trust you ("I understand the lack of trust"), she was ready to come back until this happened ("I can see how me knowing what I know would change your plans.") , you made her do it ("No, I don't control your actions this is your mess.") , they are just friends ("Please don't take me for a fool, we both know better."), you are running around ("No wife, I am actually very focused and another woman is the last thing I want now.") ........ all to keep you from staying focused. When in doubt say nothing or "I am thinking about what you said."

Don't get baited into a fight. Know when you are most alert and plan your talk then. You end the conversation and leave the property. If she gets crazy film her with your phone.

You stay calm, collected and confident. Check your negative emotions at the door, be loving towards her.

You can handle it.

Puppy

One more goal checked off the DB list.

[CPCajun]

I am pulling some strings on getting advise from another L. So I hope this is a go to take over the house...and the bed.

...oh yes I know W..and her redhead anger. She will go balistic and most like call the Sheriff. I am sure stuff will be thrown, things will be broken. I guess she is really intrested.

I say all this as I "did" know her. Things such as A is completely unexpected, anything is possible I guess. Either way I am ready to move on.

Its the getting baited into a fight. I know I can do it, but it will be one of the hardest fights to not engage.

...Camera phone. Pfft. All I have is this POS company Blackbarry. LOL....I do intend to bring a tape recorder with me. If I pull this off it will not only CYA, but could be a valuable teaching tool. (I'd see about doing some editing before publishing it.)

As for negative emotions, I dont think I have any. I have is love for W. I am not angry, just hurt.

I do see W differently now, not like I did before the A. Not the mad love as before. I still see it and granted I still would lay my life on the line for her,but when I do all I picture is OM. I am sure this is normal behavior and in time, will pass.

[Coach]

Just say what needs to be said and leave (I would go get a extra lock for the apt.)

Let her be mad. You must be under control. You go into this with no expectations but prepared for any response. This isn't time for a dialouge.

Time for Jean-Marie to get some BGPs.

Cheers

ps Don't end up on "Cops."

[CPCajun]

Will do.

[CPCajun]

I had the same conversation with my wife. I think it helped me much more than I can put into words. Like a giant weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately, I didnt break an affair. It had been busted by someone related to the OM's wife. It happened several months before the bomb but its funny how guilt can build up in someone.

The good news is that my wife and I are still going strong. Actually better than strong. Better than before. Better than ever. So you can get through this. Make sure its what you want. Heck, you may feel that someone else deserves the Cajun more than your current wife does.

I am sure this will bring us closer together. I know my love was numb for her. I did love her, but not like I hould have.

The only thing now is the A with OM. It will always be in the back of my mind.