how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

just popping by, it's been a month since i've been on the boards here...

not much has changed except that i have a signed and filed separation agreement. as of august 1 i can file for divorce based on a 6 month separation and i plan to do that instead of waiting around on him. he is a ghost and a stranger and i know nothing about him anymore. we do not speak and his family has dropped me from their lives as well. i don't dwell on it, though, and it hasn't crushed me the way i thought it would.

what i'm broken up about now is the relationship i was hoping to start with a guy i'd dated about 4 years ago. we run into one another from time to time and have kept in contact and have sort of always had a thing for one another. he was in a relationship when i first got separated and recently ended that, and after meeting up with him once and getting myself good and googly eyed over him again, he let me know his ex reached out to him and wanted to talk and he figured he at least owed the relationship a discussion. seems i can't win for losing these days. i have learned a lot about attachment and want in the last 6 months, so my rational brain is fully aware of what i SHOULD be doing, but of course my heart is breaking over this guy all over again.

back to back heart breaks is not really what i had envisioned for myself on my road to recovery...but then again i guess i should know by now that life is just as much about loss as it is love. maybe one day this guy will find his way back around, i've been thinking about him for 4 years and i'm probably not going to stop now.

hope everyone is well and staying strong.