What bothers me is the weepy pleading from your W about the L and the house and the kids. That can be reality hitting her in the face (she can have her divorce but it ain't gonna be neat and tidy), or it can be her feeling bad that she is the cause of all this going down. But it doesn't seem like "Oh my God, what am I DOING? Am I NUTS? We've got to work on this marriage so that these horrible things don't play out!"
My thoughts exactly. She is used to me standing there and taking it from her, or whining and begging her to reconsider. Now, all I do is agree with her. She then says she didn't mean we need to see a L yet, it's just a possibility down the road. I then set back and wait, again, for things to get better. They may for a day but that's about it.
She said the other day that she tried talking to me about her day at work and I kept walking off and staring up into space. I know from being here what to do when she tries talking to me. I looked her in the eyes, validated and agreed with her, didn't offer any of my opinions, just listened. During the conversation, one of the kids started crying in the other room, W was doing dishes while talking and I said, "hang on just a second" and stuck my head in the hall and asked the kids what happened. I came right back and said, "okay, you were saying Sally at work told you....." and picked up right where we left off. I thought it went well. She says I didn't listen at all. I guess I should let the kids cry and hurt each other and tear up the house?
I don't want it to get mean and nasty, but I won't just let her walk all over me any longer. Hell, this whole process is nasty by nature, isn't it?
Hopefully she knows I won't just give into her anymore. Maybe reality will hit her in the face, maybe not. As long as I can protect my kids and my limited financial ability to take care of them, I will be okay.
