My husband's emotional affair

[justpeachy]

Okay... here's a summary of my post. Let me know if it's better if I start a new thread instead...

For those just reading this, full details are in my posts above.

1. One month ago I caught DH in the act of an OEA. DH immediately came after me, crying, expressing remorse and pleading me to stay.

2. The OEA was with a woman who lives 500 miles away. They communicate via chat, web-cam and text messaging. It's been going on since earlier this year (Feb, I think). DH says they have not met in person. However, they have told each other "I love you". Also, when I caught him, she was on cam with her top off.

3. I have decided that I want to stay and try to fix this. DH says he wants the same.

4. DH is having a very hard time letting OW go. At first he agreed to NC, and we delivered that message to OW together, on the phone. The next day he immediately confessed that he tried to call her again (but she did not answer). He claims he's "worried about her" (and that he couldn't live with it if she "hurt herself"), and that he "needs closure".

5. We've spent the last month working on us, trying to rebuild our own intimacy. I feel like we've made some progress, and it's been "good" (considering the circumstances). I've also been in IC, working my issues, including some of the things DH has stated he is unhappy about with me. We have agreed to MC, but have had trouble finding someone and setting up an appointment. Our first session is this Friday (unless he is forced to work, which is likely given certain circumstances).

6. Two days ago I asked DH if he had had any contact with OW in the last month. He confessed that she emailed him and he emailed her back. My gut says he may have minimized his confession. I reiterated that he needed to go NC. I asked him to send a NC email, and to open all of his email accounts/computer/etc. to me (previously he only opened his phone, but he almost always has it on him so it's hard to check). He agreed, but has not done it yet.

7. This is not DH's first EA. He had another 10 years ago, when we were still dating. That ended -- but not in a healthy/fully healed way. I couldn't let it go, and he took 5 years to finally go completely NC with her. Forgot to mention above, but he said he was not truly remorseful after the first time, but that he is deeply remorseful now.