help with a plan

[pigskin]

It sounds like what you are doing (being decisive, firm, and businesslike) is having an impact on your W, so I'd say more of the same is called for.

What bothers me is the weepy pleading from your W about the L and the house and the kids. That can be reality hitting her in the face (she can have her divorce but it ain't gonna be neat and tidy), or it can be her feeling bad that she is the cause of all this going down. But it doesn't seem like "Oh my God, what am I DOING? Am I NUTS? We've got to work on this marriage so that these horrible things don't play out!"

She'd love to keep her current life and combined income, no selling the house, no legal proceedings, no inconvenience of any kind, just with you completely out of the picture.

I think she is just scared of the unknown, worried about how she'll manage by herself, and struggling with the guilt of being the cause of the family being ripped asunder. Obviously she is unwilling to face it and wants to put it off as long as she can.

She's not willing to give up anything that exposes her to the OM, so that tells you what she has as her top priority.

Don't get sucked in by her tears. My W told me she wanted to separate to give herself the chance to "miss" me. Maybe that might work with no OM. With an OM, I think it is a waste of time. You won't miss who you are not thinking about as you are being entertained by an affair.