Yes there is..it is why you take your time..it is why you learn or as Cat put it "train".. you train yourself to be whole and healthy and at that point YOU can decide.
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My brother tells me there is no expiration date, so to take my time.
He is right...take your time. Do you like wine? Fine wine? How long does it need to age? How long does that wonderful grape juice sit all alone in a wooden crate? It depends - right? What is the old saying...the longer it ages the better it is. Think of this time as just that.
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Cause I don't know what to do.
None of us did...none of us. You know what though that time does come when you will know what to do. It comes but you need TIME. As for what other say...F em. Isn't this YOUR life? If it is then you decide. You don't need me or anyone else for that matter to tell you want to do.
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I'm afraid
I know...I've been there. I wish I could tell you it goes away tomorrow. It does not. What it is..is the loss of control. Right now you see it as a hinderance to you...in the future you will see that the fear will propel to begin the changes taht you need. Like giving up control. It ani't easy. Know what though...I think you can do it!
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And maybe that is what he needs to learn all by himself..
Bingo~!
Keep your head up/
Take this time that you have right now to reflect and heal. No need to do anything rash...your emotions are gonna mess with you..they are. Know what...you can control these!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jack..what did you mean by the MLC choice is mine to make and if I do it explains alot?
I still haven't figured out the quote thing..and how to interject it into my post. I'll spend a few minutes trying some different stuff and see if I can do it.
Eric..in regards to the words you asked me to think about.
Time--the gift God has given us to learn all that we need to know so we can stop coming back here to learn more..then we will finally be ready to spend the rest of eternity with Him. Time marches on, no matter what.
Peace--the feeling I have when I sit at the end of a dock on a quiet lake in the woods..looking at the stars and listening to the loons. All is right with the world. I've done this alone and also with my H and we were holding hands..it was almost like heaven.
Love--haven't gotten to that one yet..and it might take some real brain power to put that into words.
I need to ask you guys..since my H is home, and not really acting like he's working on the marriage per say..he does tell me that he is doing the best he can at the moment even tho it might not be up to my standards..admits that he is still in contact with OP, no signs of wanting any type of intimacy with me, secretive about work phone/computer, would rather slit his throat than talk about our R, no interest in MC, not as resentful acting as when he first came back 3 whole months ago, talking and laughing a little more, seems to be more grounded and more like himself....how am I supposed to be interacting with him? I haven't quite figured out the detachment thing yet, I keep thinking he will see it as a sign that I don't care about him and go to the OW who gives him all that he seems to want and need. It would seem overly aggressive if I suddenly stopped doing his laundry and making meals for us together.
Last night I walked up the stairs with my laptop and read a bunch of stuff on here, didn't say goodnight, shut my door. I heard him go to bed, but he didn't say goodnight either. he sent me a text today (in addition to leaving me a white board note before he left for work this a.m.) that he lost his keys and to keep an eye out for them..I was tempted to text back, but didn't.
I'll keep applying for jobs, take a class or two, meet some new friends and go do things w/o him, keep exercising and dieting. It's hard to pretend that I'm ok with things the way they are.
Is his behavior normal for a H going thru whatever it is he is going thru? Am I doing the right things?
what is the little box at the bottom of the posting box entitled "Quote" for? There is an "edit", a "reply" a "quote", a "quick reply" a "quick quote" and a "notify.
ok Jack..I was able to do the quote thing..as evidenced above..but it seems like a big hassle to cut and paste and preface/suffix with the quote, brackets, etc. There must be an easier way..isn't there?
I don't like 'quote' because it opens a new screen ... I use quick quote, which will send the whole post to the reply box for you ... then you can add to it. Or you can then cut out parts you don't want/need to address.
You'll get the hang of it ... before long you'll be answering multiple quotes in each reply
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
PEI..I'm having a bit of a day today..nothing really catastropic happens, but tears keep squeezing out. I haven't cried for quite awhile. I'm so frustrated today. Did you ever feel like that for no reason and what did you do about it?
That is the key word that you said about time. You are right it is a gift that God give us. The reason…well you would have to ask Him. So since it is a gift it is something that is not necessary asked for – right? It is something that you give freely of your own free will – right? Wouldn’t you want to give your H a gift…the gift of time to figure his stuff out.
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Is his behavior normal for a H going thru whatever it is he is going thru?
Yes it is pretty normal. You see he has probably already detached. Once you do a lot of this will make sense to you. In his mind OP makes him feel happy. Sorry to say you do not. He may also be trying not to hurt you. I know…I know…then your next thought is probably…”not hurt me then WTF”….in his mind he does not want to give you a false sense of hope. Believe it or not he is hurt right now but you just can’t see it. This is why we tell you to focus on you to detach. I cannot stress it enough…detach girl… don’t let him drag you into his nightmare. Is it hard? F yeah..can it be done? YES. Does it come over night? NO it is something you work on over time.
We know you feel pain…we know you hurt. All of us have. Right now it is okay to cry…get it out…cry your eyes..just never let him see it. He can’t help right now. You can though help yourself and help him. Okay…next thing going thru your head. “how the F can I help him” – simple…by giving him the gift of time and space.
You can do this – your really can.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
PEI..I'm having a bit of a day today..nothing really catastropic happens, but tears keep squeezing out. I haven't cried for quite awhile. I'm so frustrated today. Did you ever feel like that for no reason and what did you do about it?
Oh god ... did I feel like that??? There was a time that was all I felt! And sweetie, it's far from 'for no reason'. I had to leave my desk more times than I could count, pull my car over because I couldn't see through the tears, hang up the phone mid conversation because I couldn't force words out ... there wasn't anything that didn't remind me of the current sitch. My advice? .... CRY. Get it out ... a great big bawling mess if that's what it takes. Punch pillows ... scream in the woods ... whatever it takes to release some of that emotion. Then .... stop. Breathe. Remind yourself that you need to feel but you do not need to be ruled by your emotions. It's hard, but it gets easier. It takes time, but you come around more quickly. It hurts, but the pain diminishes.
To steal from Coach ... you can handle it. Be kind to yourself.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
