Eric..in regards to the words you asked me to think about.
Time--the gift God has given us to learn all that we need to know so we can stop coming back here to learn more..then we will finally be ready to spend the rest of eternity with Him. Time marches on, no matter what.
Peace--the feeling I have when I sit at the end of a dock on a quiet lake in the woods..looking at the stars and listening to the loons. All is right with the world. I've done this alone and also with my H and we were holding hands..it was almost like heaven.
Love--haven't gotten to that one yet..and it might take some real brain power to put that into words.
I need to ask you guys..since my H is home, and not really acting like he's working on the marriage per say..he does tell me that he is doing the best he can at the moment even tho it might not be up to my standards..admits that he is still in contact with OP, no signs of wanting any type of intimacy with me, secretive about work phone/computer, would rather slit his throat than talk about our R, no interest in MC, not as resentful acting as when he first came back 3 whole months ago, talking and laughing a little more, seems to be more grounded and more like himself....how am I supposed to be interacting with him? I haven't quite figured out the detachment thing yet, I keep thinking he will see it as a sign that I don't care about him and go to the OW who gives him all that he seems to want and need. It would seem overly aggressive if I suddenly stopped doing his laundry and making meals for us together.
Last night I walked up the stairs with my laptop and read a bunch of stuff on here, didn't say goodnight, shut my door. I heard him go to bed, but he didn't say goodnight either. he sent me a text today (in addition to leaving me a white board note before he left for work this a.m.) that he lost his keys and to keep an eye out for them..I was tempted to text back, but didn't.
I'll keep applying for jobs, take a class or two, meet some new friends and go do things w/o him, keep exercising and dieting. It's hard to pretend that I'm ok with things the way they are.
Is his behavior normal for a H going thru whatever it is he is going thru? Am I doing the right things?
