Lolawar

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but I feel like I am showing strength by sticking to my word.

Yes you are showing him your strength by this. So...now...consider what you say going forward. Do not commit to anything that YOU do not feel comfortable with. Do not commit to anything with an expecation of a response from him.

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I know it is WAY too late

Do you? Has the fat lady sang yet?

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but I guess I need the final decision in our M to be my decision

The decision to end your legal M is really up to either of you. The ecision to end your emotional M is up to YOU.

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and I have come to the conclusion that it is not possible.

You will be surprise at what is possible when you love unconditionally. IMO the bigger question you should be asking is WHO DO YOU REALLY Want to be. Do you want to be angry? Probably not so then....

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working on forgiving him

This ^^^^ must be done.

The decision to remain in some sort of R is up to you. What I can tell you is this....whatever you decide do it with no regrets. Don't do anything while you are hurt...while you are pissed...whatever you do...try as much as possible to do it in LOVE. I don't know about you but that is who I want to be.

Stay strong Lolawar...stay strong...stop looking at the M...stop looking at him and start looking at YOU...

God Bless,
Eric


"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter".
"Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!"
"Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans