Do you have seperate checking accounts? Is your paycheck direct deposited into your account?
If not, this is your first step. Go to the bank, open an account he is not on. You do not need him to do this. You can have your own account. Keep the joint, that's fine; just open a new one only in your name.
Then go to payroll with the new routing neumber and get your check deposit switched. It will prob. take 2-4 weeks to switch, but since H will need that long to turn over the mortgage to you, it should be fine.
Then tell H. Yes, tell him. Tell him that you realize his gambling is something he feels he needs to do and you've come to realize that this his his choice. But in order to make sure you have the money for the mortgage payment and other bills you may have, you need your paycheck to be seperate. End of story.
H and I have had sep. accounts for 6 years now. I will never go back to having a joint. I save, he spends. I pay bills on time, he is late and juggles late payments. I now pay the house, all utilities and my car and insurance, and all the kids sports stuff. He pays his car and his insurance. (I make more than him).
When you have control of your money and the house, you won't have to worry about him spending too much money and you loosing the house. You also won't have to keep on him about it, and your stress level will go down.
When he doesn't have the back up of your money to control as well, he won't have as much money to gamble with.
You can't stop him from gambling- and you should stop trying for now (it will only serve to make him escape you by gambling more), but you can help yourself take measures to be less stressed about it, take control of your well being.
Edited to add: gambling addictions can ruin lives. I know. I live in Las Vegas.
