IMO, if you hope to ever rebuild your M, or even have a civil R with your H after D, you may want to reconsider your stance on this. Insisting on exposing his adultery seems a bit revengeful to me, and it may turn what would otherwise be a civil D into an ugly public battle. That may not be in your long-term best interest.
I really gave this a lot of thought over the past months. I have considered filing differently. I never really thought about it as a way of exposing his adultery- I was told the papers were public documents but in order for anyone to view these documents- someone would actually have to go to the court house and request them. They aren't something that can be found on-line or in the newspaper. I was thinking- who the hell is going to care enough to request our divorce papers from the court house?
I have also felt that throughout our M...my H was always able to talk me into doing what he wanted. He knew he could manipulate me. I feel like if I go back on this...he got me again. I know it may sound strange..but I feel like I am showing strength by sticking to my word. This is something I wanted. Last night, when he told me he couldn't get adultery papers- it is just another attempt at him to manipulate me. I know it is WAY too late..but I guess I need the final decision in our M to be my decision.
I also figured it WOULD Definitely be revengeful if I actually had him served papers...or had OW served papers...especially at work as some of my dearest friends have suggested. ; ) I am not interested in that...although I cannot say that I didn't entertain that idea several months back!!! ; ) But I am over that. I just want to hand him the papers for him to sign and I want those papers to say the truth.
Fortunately we have split everything already...and without children involved...I don't anticipate this getting ugly.
Regarding a R with my H going forward...I never imagined that I would be divorcing him...to think that I cannot have him part of my life going forward is awful to me. I have been struggling with whether or not I can have him part of my life and I have come to the conclusion that it is not possible. I am still working on forgiving him...I have come to realize that offering forgiveness to someone is not the same thing as continuing the R. I think in some situations, especially mine- I just need to break the bond as much as it hurts.
