Gritt, I have figured out, after much reflection, that I did lose myself..and not necessarily to my H or our marriage. I just lost myself. Even my kids tell me that. I was so happy before we moved here. Full of life, looked great, enjoyed activities, did fun stuff..but when we moved so far away from the people I loved and had spent time with and didn't know anyone..well..I think I went into some kind of depression. The only thing I had was my H and our marriage..so I clung to it..desperately.
This MLC or whatever it is, has sure kicked me right in the butt. Both of us, really. It was something I needed, something we both needed, even tho I ask God why He couldn't have triggered the changes that were needed with some other sitch. It's been the hardest leg of my journey so far. And probably will be the catalyst for me to learn the most about myself and life in general.
It just makes me so sad to think that I may not get to see my H sitting in his chair next to me, hear him whistling, see him walk down the hall, enjoy his beautiful smile. He's my favorite person in the world. i try not to dwell on that because I know God has a plan and that since He loves me, it will all be good.
