Scwred up and need advice

[koliver0821]

Cajun, I think it's time you lead and lay down how your home is going to roll. You need to reclaim your house/bedroom and call her out on the CB. She keeps you off balance by telling you she needs to talk then telling you she's done - that's your speech to give.

Tell her you need to talk.

This is very specific, not up for negotiation and it works.

"Wife, I have been doing some thinking. I know I have hurt you in the past and for that I am sorry. I agree this marriage isn't working for me either. I have decided I won't share you with another man. I am moving back into the house, you will move into the garage apt. I will contact my L to get the D filed."

You have thought about this (decisive), you admit your fault, you agree with her and set her free, you call her out on the A, you reclaim your home (manly) and you give her the bomb. Now she can choose how she responds. No ultimatums, not controlling her just giving her what she wants but with you leading (attractive). She knows you know about the A, she wants you to fight for her, she will respect you for standing up to her - that's a test.

Don't reveal how you know, just say "I know all about Russ, don't kid yourself." if she tells you there is no OM. She really wants you to put your foot down and call the meeting to order. She will be angry and still test you. This isn't personal just about behavior that is unacceptable in your home. She has a choice in how she behaves and you have a choice in how you let her treat you. You can handle it.

Strength and Honor
Coach

THIS!!! ^

Agreed. To be honest. Although your not playing games intentionally, it has the same effect. Its time to lay it out there. Be sure to breathe and talk slowly and let it sit in with her. Be sure to ask her if she understands how you feel as well. That way you know she gets it.

I had the same conversation with my wife. I think it helped me much more than I can put into words. Like a giant weight off my shoulders. Unfortunately, I didnt break an affair. It had been busted by someone related to the OM's wife. It happened several months before the bomb but its funny how guilt can build up in someone.

The good news is that my wife and I are still going strong. Actually better than strong. Better than before. Better than ever. So you can get through this. Make sure its what you want. Heck, you may feel that someone else deserves the Cajun more than your current wife does.