PEI, There seems to be so many things to be aware of, to do and not do. It all feels overwhelming at times. And of course, that's when I do what comes naturally, which is to be nice to my husband and try to talk to him like we used to do, tell him I love him..and it pushes him away..sometimes. But not all the time. I'm with you on the baby steps thing. Every sitch is different and we know our spouses better than anyone else. What works for some might not work for others. You kind of have to try different things and be careful. I truly believe that some of the MANY texts, letters, emails, phone and face to face conversations I have initiated did have a good impact on him..some of the stuff I said did get thru the fog. But it did push him away too. By the time a spouse figures out that her partner is in MLC or that there is an A going on, we have probably done alot of the wrong things already. Then it takes awhile to find places like this and learn new tactics.
If we can make it thru this together, I have no doubt that we will both be much better people and will advance to the next level of marriage. I have learned soooo much, and even in his confusion, I think he has too. My biggest fear is that I will throw in the towel because he won't let go of the connection he has with OW, or because I just can't go on without the intimacy I loved..it has been since March of 2009 since he shut me out in that area. I'm not a sex maniac by any means..but I miss the kisses, hugs, touches..and you know. It seems odd to me that he says he has gone for over 3 months now w/o it too. I guess if he is stressed out, that can happen. or maybe he's meeting her yet. That would hurt to find that out.
Both you and Puppy have been so helpful..each of you have your own experience and opinions. I'm no dummy..if someone recommends something that I think I can't do..believe me when I tell you--I won't do it. I'm a computer programmer by trade, so I'm pretty analytical and practical. I'll listen to what you all have to say and take pieces from here and there. It's all valueable. I'm just glad that you guys care enough to be here and want to help. Thanks all of you guys for that.
