His words are saying one thing, but how convincing is it when his actions are something else because he basically doesn't believe in what he's doing?
The reality shows that it is convincing enough that she has now written him a letter and is now wavering...
This isn't about him playing hard to get. That isn't going to work. What he needs to accomplish here is to let her see, hear and feel that he has heard what she has been telling him. He should be giving her the "I am giving up" message. I won't try anymore message. He can be cordial, he can answer her questions, he can watch the dog once in a while if he chooses.. etc. etc.... He doesn't need to ignore her. Just stick to the message of "I understand what you have been trying to tell me and I realize now that I should give up trying to win you back. I realize that if you say you can't forgive me and you say that it will never work, then YES you are correct, it won't. I now see that. I agree that divorce is our best option now."
While he is giving her this message consistently, he then keeps doing what he is doing now. Go to visit his friends, family and try to give her time all to herself while he keeps busy. He stays backed off and gradually keeps moving toward the direction that SHE says she wanted. The more he moves in her direction in agreement the more she is going to question if she is doing the righ thing. You have to understand that she hasn't dealt with the reality of what happens if HE now wants out since he has made so much effort to change. Secretly she knows that maybe he really does love her and is serious about changing. Now she will get that chance, except that now it isn't only HER choice, but his also. She will now start to think about all the things that SHE has done while he has tried so hard. She couldn't think those things while he was pursuing so hard. All she could think of was how to get away from him. Now that he has given her that, her thoughts may very well change. Which is what he wanted all along and didn't understand how to accomplish. This accomplishes that.
Remember. It is the threat of irrevocable loss that spurs emotions. She is now faced with the threat that maybe she has driven HIM too far. He needed to do this a long time ago. Now she is faced with the reality he has been dealing with for so long. The reality of "is this what I want and what if it IS over?
AND ABOVE ALL.. STOP SNOOPING. NO more checking up on her in any way shape or form. NONE. This is the message that coincides with the giving up. You now show her you don't care to even check up on her. Let it go.
