The DB Challenge -- STEP 2 -- Know what you want

[Zoo]

Ah...was waiting for this section Sage

Most of my goals at this point pertain to my "cheeseless tunnels". My R/M seems to be going ok at the moment but I'm using DR methods to do a little bit of preventative maintenance on myself so that I can keep the forward momentum going in my M Goal # 1 has been my focus all week.

Goals

1. I will no longer feel the NEED to ask H HOW he got every little scratch and/or mark on his body.

If I see a mark on H, rather then ask how he got it I will take a deep breath and hold it to the count of 10. I feel that I will have conquered this NEED if I can refrain from asking for at least one month.

I have succeeded at not ASKING this question for 6 1/2 days so far. H did say it was OK for me to point out any that were bleeding or particularly nasty looking. I did have to address this the other day but I did not ASK...instead I said "you have a bad scratch on your @$$ that looks like it might be bleeding, you might want to check it out. I left it at that.

2. I will no longer "talk" a sitch to death when I feel I am not being understood.

Keep it simple. I will not go into "why, when, how and where" before I get to the "what". I will just state the "what" and if H needs further clarification he will ask for it. I will not ASSume or go into "20 question" mode if I don't understand something H has said. I will instead say " I don't understand...did you mean_______?".. I will also include here that I will not say "huh, wha', or eh?" if I don't hear H completely (this tends to lead me down defensive explanatory path because H thinks I'm being obtuse when I say "huh?"). Instead I will state "I did not hear you, would you please repeat what you just said".

This is actually a goal that H and I kind of discussed last night because we were trying to narrow down some communication problems we have. I was keeping my side of the convo simple...it turned out I wasn't understanding H right and vice versa. I asked H for a better way to approach this issue since it seemed to be a common communication problem for us. H said it would be easier if I just told him I didn't understand or hear him The "keep it simple" was at his suggestion too.

I only have those two goals right now...they are big ones for me and are going to take a lot of work to make them stick...I'm pretty darn thick-headed

Zoo