Her latest depression med seems to be working better than the previous one, but the anger/depression is still there. It's bad enough that I get called an a**hole, jerk, etc. and get yelled at, but my poor kids get the same treatment. I'm at a loss and this feels like I'm living out a 10+ year prison sentence. I want so badly to tell her what I've seen from my intel, but I know that would do no good. I try to block this out by spending happy times with my kids and keeping busy. She is still on me about buying a new/bigger house and tells me I'm "...stringing her along while I decide what to do with my affair." She also said recently that I'm trying to "maker her behave" in order to get the house. I'm not having an affair and never have, but she never did trust me. There is no way I'm going to make such a major purchase with a W who doesn't love me.
I'm guessing all of this may blowup in the next few months as my youngest starts school. W will have lots of time to think and do things since she will not go to work + both kids will be in school all day (for the first time). She recently tried to bait me into yet another fight and when I refused to play along she told me "Stop acting like you have nothing to lose!" When I asked WTH she meant by that she told me "...I don't know, for the past 6 months or so you've just been acting like you're cool or something." I replied "No, remember, I'm the one who is trying to make things better here. I know I have a lot to lose." I found this forum and the book about 6 months ago, so I guess that's what she is complaining about. I've tried hard to DB without coming off like a jerk. I fail sometimes, but generally I don't take the bait when she goes off on me. When I get the "We're not compatible. We're a mismatch." type stuff I just agree and move on. In the past I would defend and try to change her mind.
Somewhat off my subject...I saw in my intel that one of W's friends had an EA/PA for 10+ years. Her H never knew. The OM was a "friend" who regularly came over to their house. The OM dumped the friend after he found someone else. The friend is all p*ssed off and hurt, but still speaks about their affair as if it was some kind of fairy tale. Incredible how long something like this could go on behind someone's back.
