Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Just woke up from the craziest dream about H. For some reason my friend J and I were at his house, I was sleeping on the couch, J was in the shower and DS was sleeping on the coffee table. H pretty much pinned me down on the couch and we had an argument. He was trying to blame me for the marriage falling apart and then said that he was afraid of losing me. I asked losing me to what and he said to dating losers. I told him it was his choices that made the marriage end. His choice to leave, his choice to walk out on DS and I. I also told him I was going to contest the grounds he files on because I refuse to take the blame for the marriage ending, that I was more than willing to resume marital relations but he was the one refusing them. We argued about a lot of stuff and our arguing woke up DS then OW came out. I was furious and made some snarky comments about her and about H while gathering my clean clothes, then DS and I went into the bathroom with J so I could get dressed. While I was in there OW came in and I started arguing with her, really let her have it. One of the things I told her was that the baby was going to destroy their relationship just like it did mine with H because we weren't ready to be parents. At one point she made some remark about him choosing her because "look at the alternative" so I grabbed her and backed her into a mirror and banged her head against the mirror screaming that she knew nothing about me, she knew nothing about H and I. J pulled me back and OW left, then H was in the doorway holding a box marked "Police". I told him to go ahead and call them then turned away. I did feel guilt that DS saw and heard everything, then J was giving me a pat on the back for standing up to OW. I woke up abruptly, very confused because the dream felt so real.

Now I am not at all a person for arguing or violence. I will avoid confrontations by avoiding the person I fear I'll argue with. So for me to get so angry and violent in my dream is a bit shocking.