The DB Challenge -- STEP 2 -- Know what you want

[sage]

Here are the questions posted by JJ on the book club thread:

With this step, we begin to look at how to turn your "visions" of your relationship into reality by taking action!

As Michele says, Don't skip this step!" This is your road map for the rest of the program, and will help to keep you focused on where you're going, and help give you signs that you really are heading in the right direction!

First off, list 2 or 3 things you are hoping to change or improve about your marriage. The questions below might help you figure this out!

Goal Setting Rule #1 -

"Think about what you want, not what's missing"

Instead of concentrating on what you don't like about your marriage, take some time to concentrate on how you would like your marriage to be.

What parts of your relationship do you want more of?

What are the times in your marriage that you'd like to "re-create"?

What are some new things that you'd like to see happen?

"When my spouse stops doing ___________, what will s/he be doing?"

Goal-Setting Rule Number 2

"Think Action"

With this rule, we work on becoming less vague about what we want, and start to break things down into some specific actions. Things that we can SEE happening, and actual behaviors that can occur to let us chart our progress.

Lostlove got a great start with this in her first post, so we'll use some of her stuff for an example. (Hope you don't mind, LL!) Her broad goal could be stated as:

"Defined time that is set aside each week for us."

From there, she did a good job of being more specific, and action-oriented, with:

1) H will initiate outings more.
2) He will find more time to spend with the family.
3) He will find more time to spend separate time for us.

These are still a bit vague, though, but she goes on to describe more specific actions of:

1) He will surprise me with a sitter and say, "hey my mom will watch the kids tonight let's go see what's playing at the drive-in.
2) We will play a game of cards or darts one night a week.
3) Saturday night we either go out or rent a movie or hang in the basement playing darts.

This is a great action-oriented list! It will be easy to see when these goals are being accomplished.

Now, take some time to see what your goals would look like if you broke them down similar to this!!

Goal-Setting Rule Number 3

"Think Small"

Are your goals broken down into small pieces?

Are you trying to take any "baby steps", or are you looking at "leaps and bounds"?

What goal would you be able to see accomplished within a week or two time frame?

If you were that famous woman golfer, sinking that 30 foot putt with ease, what spot would you be aiming for that was in line with the hole?

What small step could you see realized that would help you feel less anxious, and less worried, about your relationship?

"What will be the very first signs that things are moving in the right direction?"