So MIL did not ask? She just called and told you what she was going to do with the kids on your day? She needs to be told that she does not promise occasions to her grandkids without first checking with you.
I still don't get why dan is not being called out on the porn in the camera. This is not a good environment for anyone, much less little kids. This sh!t is in a camera that is used to record "family" events. A camera that is lying around, (God knows what else is just lying around at good old dad's house) readily available for anyone (including you) to look through.
And lots of people do scroll through pictures, just like they used to flip through photo albums. Jeez, it's not as though the camera was locked in a floor safe. He HANDED IT TO YOU TO USE!! At a public event, no less. He could have done the same thing to the kids.
How is it going to affect the kids if they happen to scroll through daddy's camera? "Oh, look! Nathan playing t-ball. Sydney at a birthday party! And....uh...what's this....??"
Embarrassed to call dan out? Why? Don't be. Your kids deserve a strong, protective mom, don't they? You'd probably lay down your life for your kids, but you're having trouble telling dan to keep that perverted sh!t away from them? Why?
And why down-play it as though it's no big deal? Or that it's dan's "private" business. It IS a big deal and that camera is not all that private when he asks people to take pictures for him. It speaks loud and clear as to who dan really is. And I seriously do not give a sh!t as to WHY dan is the way he is, he just IS. It's time to live in the now.
And as far as dan not doing anything "bad" yet, are you guys kidding? NATHAN HAS NIGHTMARES ABOUT HIS DAD'S ANGER!!!
Nathan is obviously a very sensitive little boy and dan is hyper-critical of everything from the poor kid learning how to ride a bike to practicing baseball.
And why does "lame-ass-I-hated-jocks-in-high-school-dan" keep trying to live vicariously through Nathan's athletic abilities anyway? It's sick.
As far as the useless, stupid, admonishing texts:
IGNORE each and every one of them. Enough of the pathetic, co-dependent crap. dan thinks he's the superior parent? LMAO!! Did it ever occur to him to actually behave like a competent parent? Probably not. He's too busy getting off on yanking your chain every single time he has visitation.
dan has it made. He knows exactly how to keep playing you like a violin.
Kimmie, I had the impression BobbiJo was going to talk to Dan about the camera but she wanted to talk to her counselor first.
BobbiJ-is that right?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
I guess I don't see why this needed to be run by the therapist first. The answer seems obvious. "dan, why on earth would you take pictures of your dick and leave them in the camera where anyone could see them? What if the kids had seen them?What do you think the kids' reactions would be?"
BBJ, if the kids had picked up the camera to look at pictures and saw that sick sh!t, wouldn't you give anything to take it back? Wouldn't you wish you had told dan to purge the house of any porn the kids might find?
BBJ, forgive me for being so passionate about this, but I think that it's ok to get mad at dan and let him know that this is not ok. Most of the things dan says to you in front of the kids is not ok. You guys are divorced! It's ok to stomp the sh!t out of the eggshells now!
And I hate how dan and your ex-mil manipulate and flip sh!t around to make it look like everything is always "your fault." And they do this in front of your kids.
Does anyone here really think that Nathan doesn't feel these thing deeply? Does anyone here really think that these things have no lasting effects?
Hey Bobbi, I hope you had a good C session and she gave you some means of handling this with Dan. Same with MIL. Its almost like you a little afraid of them.. but of course, you spent years in that family, being good ole Bbj. Things change hey. I agree with Kat and the others, you need to definetly stand up to his Mum and explain she can only schedule time with the kids during Dan's time and to make sure she knows the schedule by asking her son. Maybe things could relax down the years but for now, you need to get into a healthy pattern for you ALL.
...down the years.. can you imagine dealing with this for years??? Maybe point that out to Dan.. we cant go on like this, we have YEARS of co-parenting ahead of us.
xx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
As far as the camera, the IC suggested I not say anything about it and just continue to talk to the kids about what is/is not appropriate, as I do anyway, and about hwo we don't keep secrets, if we see anything inappropriate let mom know, etc etc. (Not just with Dan but in general.)
Her concern is that A)He isn't doing anything illegal so I can't stop him--she said just like if your ex smokes you can't make him stop smoking around the kids. And in this case he is not doing it around the kids as far as we know so it is even less 'enforceable'. And B)If I say something now he may lash out at the kids instead in some way
However on the planning front, regarding MIL and Dan, she suggested I very quickly make plans for today so that when MIL calls to ask about the museum we are already busy. However I told her that MIL had already mentioned it to me on the phone Monday night and I hadn't argued with her then so it didn't seem right. She said that's fine then but the very next time (because there WILL be a next time) either MIL or Dan make plans without consulting me, I have other plans, even if I fabricate them at that moment! So I will. It's the only way they will learn.
She did say to be firm however. So Dan texted this morning, "What are your plans with the kids today." I knew what he was getting at but just said, "Allergy shots and play outside." He did not reply.
Then 30 minutes later MIL calls to run the timeline by me for going to the museum today. Wanted to leave at 12:30. I was fine with that because really I do want the kids to spend time with their cousins and I am not going to fix something of Dan's through MIL.
So I texted Dan after that "You made it clear after Easter that any plans made would be through you not MIL. I am fine with them going but we agreed you would always ask me before she made plans."
He replied, "I told you Addie (my niece) would be here this week. If it doesn't work let me know."
Well, he did not tell me that, MIL did, but not going to argue about that bc he would use the old standby that I just 'never listen'.
So instead I said, "Telling me and asking me are two different things. They are going today but next time ask first."
[I know the whole drop the rope and don't respond thing but he needs to get this point and he was refusing to acknowledge that he hadn't asked to have them.]
His reply? "Well keep them today and they can play this weekend" because that's when he has them. Never mind the kids are already excited and then I would be the bad guy.
I said, "NO-they are excited, your mom told them Monday they were going. Just ask next time."
Him, "They can go when I would normally pick them up then."
Me, "NO, plans are made."
So I dropped it at that point. The very next time and each time after that I will have other plans already. I don't want them to miss cousin time but he needs to learn that he can't do what he wants whenever he wants.
He's trying to make life hard for you because you set boundaries. That's what often happens when boundaries start getting set, the other party resists "Hey, this isn't the way it's always been"! So hang in there BBJ you're doing great.
Well, Dan had switched all of our insurance over to a different company last year because he didn't like the one in Glenwood. Basically I think he just didn't want local people knowing his business so he moved it out of town. I wrote him a check for my annual insurance premuim but he never cashed it--his problem! The homeowner's comes right out of my mortgage draft already.
Anyway per the decree we need to have separate insurance plans. So I have an appt tomorrow for my house and car and possibly to add life insurance. I don't need much just enough to bury me and pay for the kids' college if something happens to me before then. Anyway I texted Dan asking for the contact info since statements are sent to him...
He replied back with the contact info. Then sent a text, "Doug Lastname told me you were getting a new car." "Do you have the house refinanced yet so the car loan doesn't add to your debt."
1)Doug is his friend/confidante/cattle partner. I friended him on Facebook last week as I saw that it was his birthday. Then he requested my phone number but he hasn't called me. I bet it pisses Dan off to no end that Doug knows things about me that he doesn't know!
2)I know the point he is making, if I get the house refinanced prior to getting the car I won't have another debt for them to weigh when refinancing. However I am putting $12K down on an $18k car so the loan will be negligible, plus Toyota has a promotion of 0% interest right now. Hopefully my Honda will get $1-2K as a trade-in so that would be even better for me.
Anyway it just cracks me up. Why does he care...
Ok gotta finish cleaning. College roomie/sorority sister/drinking buddy/partner in crime is coming tonight with her hubby and kids. Gotta get things ready for them. Been cleaning house all day. She said they will be too late for dinner but she is up for drinks.
Any good summertime suggestion for drinks? I am thinking maybe beergaritas.
However I told her that MIL had already mentioned it to me on the phone Monday night and I hadn't argued with her then so it didn't seem right. She said that's fine then but the very next time (because there WILL be a next time) either MIL or Dan make plans without consulting me, I have other plans, even if I fabricate them at that moment! 
So I will. It's the only way they will learn.